Your firsts

[Natureboy]

This is a thread for discussion of firsts. Replies can be humorous or serious, boastful or shy. Just tell us about one of your firsts.

 

[Natureboy]

I'll start things off. My first kiss tasted of sour milk.

My big sister was bored and decided to play "wedding". She appointed herself the minister/priest and roped me and a neighbor girl from down the street into playing the groom and bride. I think the girl and I were like 5 or 6. My big sister was about 12. Anyway my sister found something to serve as a veil for the girl, Mary, and made me put on something nicer than my usual jeans and T-shirt. The neighbor girl was blond with her hair long. As it was summer in Oklahoma, we both had deep tans. I remember really liking the light brown color of her tanned skin. Yes, I kinda had a crush on Mary.

So my sister had us stand in front of her and said the ceremonial words. She pronounced us husband and wife, but forgot to have us say vows. Then my sister had us get into the family VW bug, as the leaving-for-the-honeymoon car. I opened the door for my friend to get in. As I was about to close the door and go around to the other side, my big sister says, "Wait a minute. You have to kiss the bride!" Mary closed her eyes and leaned forward. I leaned in and pressed my lips to hers. I was surprised by how warm and dry her lips were. Of course they were soft. Her lips also tasted faintly of cereal and sour milk. After that I got in the car. Mary and I were awkward together, and there was nobody to drive us anywhere, so the game ended. What are you supposed to do with the veil?

We didn't kiss again, although I did try to find her to play whenever we were both free. Mary moved away the next year. I tried to write to her at the new address, but 1st/2nd graders aren't so good at written correspondence. Although it's a cliche, every since I've had a bit of thing for tanned blond gals. (You should see my real wedding photos. 😘)

edit: I wrote "blond girls" the first time. As I'm not a lolicon, had to change it to "gals". The last blond gal to really turn my head irl was 30 and rather well built. (I was 39 at the time things got most dangerous between us.)

 

[DANDAN_THE_DANDAN]

My first anime is Nisekoi, I saw it on TV. But I remembered being interested in anime first just out of curiosity, thanks to some random anime ads from different channels that I watched out of boredom (boy the old time when I didn't have access to YouTube). The ad for Danganronpa almost got me but I refused to watch it because I thought that anime is cartoon and cartoons are for kids (my inner weebdom now highly disagrees). The hook, however, were series like Charlotte, Chaos;Child, Parasyte, Assassination Classroom, Hand Shakers; whatever shounen was airing on Animax at the time (the TV channel).

Spoiler

If you're wondering how I got through Hand Shakers and thought that it was good, well...

My TV was old and has poor quality such that I can't differentiate CG from drawings. I just thought that the animation was oddly very smooth and assumed everything was drawing. That's why I thought Hand Shakers had fantastic visuals.

And for how I thought it was good, same reason every weeb noob likes SAO; I didn't know better.

Soon after this, I discovered animeheaven.eu, an anime pirating website that's my favourite and hold quite a bit of joy for me (too bad it's dead). I binged series that I've heard in the past like SAO, Angel Beats, and Death Note while discovering more and more through animeheaven's recommendations plugin and MAL like Made in Abyss, Madoka Magica, and Land of the Lustrous.

Then, not sure how I got into it, but I discovered ecchi and just got absorbed into it. Can't remember what was my first ecchi anime; possibly Shimoneta or something; but watching what basically equals to softcore porn for the plot felt liberating to kid-me.

Spoiler

Boi if I could go back in the past to show him the wonders of loli yuri in Fate Kaleid...

I then got into manga by a recommendation from anituber Lost Pause. It's this one and it's ecchilicious. To this day, my parents are not aware that I watch and read a lot of ecchi stuffs and I hope that they will never do.

Fast-forward to few months ago, I already can recite top shounen series off the top of my head like the back of my hand. This is the time when I memorize the three waifu wars and what went down just for the memes. I also made a Reddit account and subscribed to r/animemes which furthermore encouraged me to memorize six digit numbers, if you know what I mean, and some other anime-related subreddits.

Spoiler

122704 173023 118282 227910 246518 130775

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1̨̡̬͓̫̮̦̤͆̑͛̈͝͞7̴̳͙̣̟͋͂͂̉̓̃͑͜͞7̶̛̝͕͚̫̰̌̈́͒̄͟0̨̣̺̺̮̲̖̘͍̦̃̍̊͗̉͐͌͋͠1̵̢̻̦̬͕̺̲̣͋͐̑̾̓͜3̡̡̩̮̝̣̝̞̅͌̌̓̏̈́ 2̴̨̰̰̹̝͖͚̼͐̂̋͛̓̌̎̿͌2̴̢̡͍̭̞̓̂̽̆̉͂̾͒͆8̤͔̩̮̠̭͍͑̃̆̆̉̋9̘̯̝̗̭̠̬̻̱̏̆̓́̓̎͋̚͡2̸̼͉̭̙͔͔͈̎̔͑̊̾͐͂̃͢ͅ2̵̱̳̹̳͛̐͛̔͊̍͞ͅ 2̧̹͎̦̮̉̾̎̿̋̏͌̕͜͞1̷̡̦͉̣̀̏͂̆̿͝ͅ5̻̮̩̤͉͈͗̈́͒͑̓̎͗͜͝ͅ6̮̦̟͔̗͐̊̈́͑͒̊̽̚0̢̧̠̳̟̬͖͖̩̊̇̏̄̉̉͆͛͞0̵̡̨̭̤͚͇͈̣̰̿̉͘͞͝
̦͍̩̭̥̩̑̆̽̀̊̀͠͡͝
.
.

And this, my friends, is how I slipped into this black hole of degeneracy.

 

[421cookies]

My first crush and probably also my first awakening as lolicon

 

[ununseti]

The first lemon that I ever read was a Jimmy x Cindy Jimmy Neutron fanfic. I was still young at the time and the story was using all sorts of euphemisms like "member" and "manhood" and "flower", so I wasn't really able visualize what was going on at all.

'Um, okay. That was... different.' Is what I thought afterwards. It wasn't a bad story, though.

 

[DANDAN_THE_DANDAN]

That reminds me. The first erotic fiction I read was about Kagamine Len and Rin. It was a random fanfic I found in the YouTube comments and I really liked it since it was amazingly well written. A quick Google search didn't let me find it tho.

 

[dankdevice]

the first time i lost consciousness was when someone accidentally drove a metal bar through my hand with a sledgehammer.

gory details in spoilers for those interested

Spoiler

i had just graduated from high school & was working a part time construction job. my job was to hammer in metal stakes at the perimeter of the jobsite with another dude assisting, i held the stakes & he would pound them into the ground. he also happened to show up to work drunk that day, so he wasn't really paying much attention to what he was swinging at. at first i though he had just hit my hand until i tried to move it and realized it was completely run through by this piece of metal. i later learned this also shattered 5 bones in my fingers and hand. i threw up & passed out. i remember waking up in the ambulance for a second but passed out again. next time i woke i was in the emergency room, restrained & sedated. i remember looking over at my hand and seeing a nurse stick a popsicle stick into the wound & it just kept going further and further in. i knew i was in shock because i felt completely detached, it was like i was watching this happen to someone else at a great distance. my overwhelming memory of this point was that the doctor sounded just like ben stein. i passed out again.

i luckily managed to avoid any major permanent damage, the nerve to my thumb was severed so my right thumb has absolutely no sensation in it which even almost 10 years later is still crazy to me. with almost 2 years of physical therapy i was able to get back full use of my hand.

 

[DANDAN_THE_DANDAN]

The sudden shift from wholesome to terrifying caught me off-guard.

@dankdevice I saw on the internet that some people would wake up while the surgeon was operating on them but they can't feel anything and feel rather detached from their body. Maybe this is what happened to you then.

 

[dankdevice]

@DANDAN_THE_DANDAN sometimes you just gotta shake things up, you know? i'll try out something a little more normal next

the first toy i ever bought with my own money was this thing:

looking for this picture made me remember the reason i bought it in the first place: they were selling it before the movie even came out. i was OBSESSED with star wars at a young age and when they announced they were making PREQUELS i was obviously excited. i had saved up like $30 in quarters and bought this thing without knowing a damn thing about it. i honestly have no recollection of how i felt about episode one at the time (i probably liked it) but shit i played with this toy so damn much

 

[Sleeper]

The first JRPG I ever beat on my own was the original Wild Arms on the PlayStation. In the past, I'd have to have one of my older siblings help me, or defer to a strategy guide, but as a kid, Wild Arms was the first game I beat completely unaided, and it felt like such a big deal at the time. It also solidified me as a fan of the series, both because of how unique its presentation as a "Wild West fantasy RPG" and how empowered I felt doing it by myself, which encouraged me to play the rest of the games in the franchise.

It's a shame we haven't had a proper installment since 5 or Crossfire (I can't remember which was the last chronologically.

 

[Edyrm]

My first and only lv 99 pokemon (first gen pokemon blue, GA) was a Dewgong, that was my boi, the rest of my team I rarly used, they were all lv 40s I think my Blastoise was around lv 60, took me 8 tries to win the pokemon league, aahhh good times, good times.

 

[DANDAN_THE_DANDAN]

I went through my Google keep archives and found my first story. It's cringeworthy. This is the prologue.

Spoiler

Prologue

I ran pass the buildings. No. The monster was there. I turned to the forest and head straight to the darkness. I could see multiple papers on trees, bear traps behind a fence, ghostly figures and rotting bodies - I ignored them all. I was terrified. He will catch me. I have to run. I looked back. The dismembered humanoid with bloody arms and featureless face is reaching towards me.

The cave. I ran towards it. I rolled the stone and blocked the entrance. I turned back. Rotting bodies, piled upon each other. Some lost their right arm, some their right leg. Some have an eyeball gone, or hanging in the eye pocket. But above all was a hanged girl. She has messy black hair with no hands upon both arms. Her tongue curled into impossible directions, and even split in two. She raised her pale head, her neck marked of the noose. Her legs filled with purple ooze, resting due to gravity. Her dress was ragged and torn. Most of her body is visible, and it was filled with scars. Her face, it was ghost white, her eye sockets filled with nothing but tears and blood. Her nose is peeled into pieces of tissues. As she opened her mouth, flies and bees would come out and kill each other.

That girl was me.

Oh my gosh it was really bad. This is supernatural horror when the story itself is just sci-fi, slice-of-life, psychological. The horror parts were too quickly skimmed over and I'm pretty sure I just spammed the crap out of thesaurus.com (which I still do now tbh). And wow so many incomplete sentences when the writing was not meant to be poetic.

 

[DANDAN_THE_DANDAN]

Wow, I found something else in the archives.

In the past, I was active on storywars.net and they held a competition for fun. It's supposed to be ~1000 words but I think I went ~1500 or something. The requirements for the story was zombies, a pen, a cat, and pizza. This is the first time I had join a competition on that website. Didn't won anything, this is all just for fun. I made this story.

Spoiler

How Pizzas Save Lives


Chapter 1 - The Journal

John have his fist on his cheek, turning red from impatience. He is writing a book but continuously think about the perfect sentence to continue his story.

"How's your story going?" His roommate asks.

"Oh, it's you, Mike. I'm stuck on a sentence. You probably can't help out unless you know the plot like I do." He bites the edge of his pencil.

"You know, people write on laptops nowadays." He teases.

"They can do what they do. This is my lucky pencil. The last book that I wrote with this pencil hits best-seller, so does the last one, and the last." He starts writing, but erased it.

"You ready to go?" He asks politely.

"Yeah."

~~~

They both sit inside a coffee shop, waiting for a plane to go to a job interview. They both dronk Americano.

"Hey Mike," John say, "there's a cat there. You're allergic, right?" he points at the black cat with green eyes.

"Yeah. Let's move." He grabs his coffee and move, but there is something odd, something peculiar, something wrong.

People are biting each other, each covered in scratches. The thing is, they're not people. They're zombies.


Chapter 2 - The Escape

"RUUN!!" John screams. The people near them in the coffee shop are being bitten, most of them have scratches.

John sees a dog in the crowd, the zombies tear it apart. He almost vomit from seeing this but they had to find shelter.

They both run in a straight line without turning back. They jump over bodies, run beside blood-lusting zombies, and scream for their lives, until they end up in a Dominoes restaurant.

They push the door, but it doesn't open. They knock multiple times until someone comes and unlock the barrier. Once they both got in they a breath of relief.

"Close one, ain't it?" The man with the key asks.

"Yeah. Where did those - zombies come from?" A moment of hesitation enters Mike's speech.

"Welp, if you've seen one of those zombie movies you'd know that you need somewhere to hide and stay put." The man locks the door again. "I'm Ronald, the manager."

Once they have settled and introduce themselves they enter the main room, nervous customers are everywhere. One of them have a cat, shaking maybe from fear. John looks at it without trust.

A girl no older than her mid-twenties approach them.

"Are you okay?" She asks. "He's my manager. My coworkers went outside for a break but I stayed inside. My name is Ray."

"Good for you." Mike continues.

"Well, I got this baby right here!" The manager took out an AK47 from behind the counter.

"Where did you get that?" John asks.

"The story can't get any longer than 1000 words so I'll cut the drama." He replies.

Mike pulls John into the restaurant's restroom and says that they can't trust Ronald. John refuse to agree and tells his reason why, but their conversation is cut short by a gunshot.

"What was that?" John asks, getting out of the restroom.

"Follow us! The manager and his subordinate runs to the right. On their left is a rave of zombies.

They got in.


Chapter 3 - The Onion

The group of four runs into a close passageway, with boxes on the floor towards their right. Ray accidentally trip over a box of onions.

John tries to raise her up but a zombie caught up. One of his foot is only clothes with socks. When it touch the onion, its explodes. The blood corrodes the onions.

The manager shoot its head. The blood explodes, but isn't corrosive.

"Looks like they're allergic to onions." The manager investigates. "We need to go, more are coming."

Ronald use the butt of the gun to smash open a nearby window. One by one they exit. As the zombies trip over vegetables and themselves the team make it out onto the runway.

An airplane is about to leave. The pilot see John and the others and drops a ladder down but then his co-pilot pulls it back up.

A different horde if zombies is running towards the plane.

The vehicle starts moving and eventually fly but the zombies are fast. It climbed up the wheels and it wasn't long before the plane crashed on its nose.

The zombies climb out of the rubble, some in fire while some lost limbs.

They all run after humans.

Within the crowd, he sees a cat. It doesn't move, it doesn't panic, it only shakes. The zombies run around it like a stone in a river.

'Why didn't they tear it apart like the dog?' John thought.

Ronald lead the group and the rest follow him into the window a Chinese food restaurant.

Once he barricade the entrance, he checks the building for zombies.

"Guys, I have a theory." John broadly speaks.


Chapter 4 - The Theory

"So, you're saying that what you wrote down in your journal is true?" Ray questions. John nods.

"How can we believe you?" Mike asks too.

"First, they explode highly corrosive blood in contact with onion, like in my book. Then, they all are resistant to fire and blunt-force trauma." He preaches,

"And cats are always present when there is a horde of zombies. Do you know why? Because they are the source of the plague."

It caught their attention.

"The virus in my story not only spread through body fluid but also air, however it requires and open wound." John continues.

"So, if we get your journal we can stop it?" The manager asks. John nods again. "Where is it?"

"I left it in the luggage in the coffee shop." John replies with regret.

"What? Going there means suicide! Those zombies are waiting for you!" He replies with rage.

"Actually I took your journal without your permission. Sorry." Mike takes out the book from his bag.

John sits down, taking a nearby pen and start to write about an onion rain.

But nothing happened.

"No." John speaks, "I need my pencil too."

"Is it in the luggage?" Ronald asks. John nods once more.

"You're gonna need this fun more than I do. See ya." The manager leaves.

"So what's the plan?" The girl becomes intrigued.

John looks around the kitchen and sees a box of onion. "You know." He says.


Chapter 5 - The Pizza, Lots of Pizzas

They come in armed. Ronald was right, the coffee shop is filled with zombies. The longer have two entrances in opposite sides.

Ray have a bell. She stand at the East, luring the zombies in. Once they all funnel in Ray escapes through a vent and finds John and Mike.

Their job is to throw onions but Mike fell down. He tried to stop his fall by holding on to a table but cause the table to fall as well. The noise cause the zombies to turn.

"PLAN B!" He scream.

John grab his luggage and run away. Mike shoots the zombies non-stop. Ray joined in a little later. They got to the centre of the airport, it have a big garden where the three floors are visible.

Big mistake.

The zombies all heard it. They have surrounded the group. It's a feast. But there is a miracle.

Pizza! Pizza start dropping everywhere! Each one have an onion topping causing the zombies to explode and kill themselves with the blast. Ray looks up and found his manager doing the miracle.

He take a banner and swing from the third floor down to the first like Tarzan.

"Ronald! You came back!" Mike cheer.

"Yeah, the story needs a cliche and you're not suppose to die." He cheer back.

John surf through his luggage and found his lucky pencil. He starts writing.

"And the zombies all died. The-" Mike sneezed. John knew what this mean. He look around, and sees a cat, the black one from the very beginning.

It hiss at him and pounce. John was expecting to be scratched, to be one of them, but nothing hurt. He open his eyes to a gunshot.

Ronald saved him, but he's scratched.

"No." The words slip out of John's lips. He quickly wrote 'The end' and watch all the corpses of the zombies turning into dust and ink. The cat too.

He's hoping that it cured Ronald but it didn't. He now knows that it's too late.

"Sorry." It was his final words. He doesn't want to be one of them so he shot himself in the head.


The Aftermath

John, Ray and Mike all stand beside Ronald's grave. Ray shed a tear while Mike blows his nose.

John placed a pizza with onions as topping on the soft grass upon his grave.

"He was a good man." John speaks.

"Yeah." Ray continues.

"And he also broke the fourth wall." Mike blows his nose some more.

"Let's get pizza. It's on me." John ended the conversation.

They all left, but what they didn't know is that Ronald is not dead.

He is undead.

I've improved a lot although I still could improve more from this. The biggest problem I had was that I rushed it since it was already my bed time the moment I wrote this.

 

[notyurinotinterested]

The first anime I watched was Death Note. The anime that started my downward spiral into full degeneracy was Yuru Yuri. No regrets.

Also since someone else mentioned Pokemon, my first shiny was a random Psyduck in Pokemon X and Y.

 

[Natureboy]

Wow. Dandan is so brave to post a first story.

On topic: My first lover was a year older (think Shou Senpai from Good Ending, but less sporty). I'd had a crush on her since middle school and we'd spent a lot of time talking and brushing each others' hair parked in her car. When I found she wanted me kiss her, I was over the moon. Soon she arranged for us to spend the night when her parents were away. (No details. That'd be kiss & tell.) This was more than a decade before the AIDS epidemic, so we didn't use a condom. When later I asked whether she was on birth control, she said, "Only stupid girls get pregnant." Man. Naive as I was then, even I knew that was far from true! Lucky for us, she didn't get pregnant that summer. She went away to art school and we kind of lost touch for over a year. When we got back together later on, we definitely used birth control.

 

[DANDAN_THE_DANDAN]

@Natureboy Wait, you're telling me that you can be a weeb and not a virgin AT THE SAME TIME?!!! What kind of sorcery is this?

For real tho that story was too close for comfort. In an alternate universe where she did get pregnant, you two are screwed.

 

[Natureboy]

Screwed indeed. There was no plan B. Her dad was a guidance counselor at our high school, so there would be no way to keep things quiet.

 

[Teddy]

First time I dropped a human heart onto the ground, I found out how bouncy they were. Not much but they do.

Don't worry legal profession and probably not want you are thinking of.

 

[hazzack]

my first pancake wasn't as bad as my second pancake

 

[Tamerlane]

The first time I killed a man was [REDACTED BY THE EPISTEIN FAMILY]