@LyndoCraft
> Page 16
"Make people watching anxious." -> "This makes people watching anxious."
> Page 18
There is a big nuance lost in translation, as Magia and Asclay both use word "
sensei", which can both be used to refer to teachers/professors and doctors (well, basically, to anyone with an expertise in their field). So Asclay started calling Takuma respectfully (frankly, "doctor" conveys more respect than "doc", but i guess "doctor" was already used extensively before).
Also, confusingly, you decided to translate Asclay's "
Sensei..." in the third panel as "Doctor...", but on the next page you are using "Doc" in place of "
sensei", and "doctor" where it was "
dokuta" ("doctor" in katakana) - you should've used "Doc..." on page 18 too.
And another thing, in the last panel Asclay says "I...", but on the next page you continue his speech with "We've decided", yet he is talking about himself only.
> Page 21
The monologue on the last page doesn't really make sense?
Yeah, it's a bit confusing. "Its owner" (in both panels) is actually the thing that Takuma dropped from. In Japanese it is called "
Kafuku no Otoshinushi", where "
Kafuku" stands for "Fortune and Misfortune (Woe)", and "
Otoshinushi" - for "Owner of the lost item", so it's literally "Owner of the Lost Fortune and Woe", but, i guess, "Bringer of Fortune and Woe" sounds better. In second panel demon girl says "
Otoshinushi no otoshimono", which is literally "lost item of the owner of the lost item" (yeah, Japanese is sometimes weird like that), referring to Takuma.
And, yes, she does call him "a troublesome guy".