Amamori Junna wa Shitsudo ga Takai - Ch. 3 - Ch 3
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Read our other titles:
Amamori junna
I spoiled the kuderella
My sweet older gf
Popular idol classmate
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It really is unfortunate to be another group translating a series, because more people go to the more popular/faster translation group than a group that takes a long time to upload chapters (no hate pls dont hate)
I would have more sympathy if blood scans weren't actively trying to take over a series elsewhere by speedsubbing it and pushing an active group out, so fair is kind of fair here. This chapter's translation is really stilted and the other uploader's just reads so much better.
fine let's do this again I'm sure I'm just shouting into the void at present but I somehow hold out hope that people actually want to get better and learn
GENERAL NOTES
SPECIFIC PANELS
2.2 - 'Because it was raining this morning, there was no track and field practice' -> incredibly stiff English. Again, this reads like a textbook, and the use of the full term 'track and field' just heightens that. These are highschool kids thought patterns. 'Because of the early rain, track was cancelled'.
2.2 cont - Another reason these bubbles feel stiff is because you're maintaining the same pattern 'Because of X, I did Y'. Breaking patterns like these up prevents them becoming stale.
2.3 - By including the 'However' here you're kind of changing the meaning of the panel. It's causing the suggestion that he's lying to himself - that Junna does have something to do with his mood. I'm not sure it's appropriate.
3.3 - 'Even when it's pouring rain like this, are you really that happy that practice was cancelled?' -> the first half feels clunky. I guess the idea they're going for here is 'are you really that happy that practice was cancelled [yet again]' - i.e. that there's been a lot of rain recently. As it is, it's a bit nonsensical: yes, of course he'd be happy it's cancelled. You just said it's pouring rain.
4.1 - 'is the book you're reading now really that interesting?' -> the friend is throwing out a guess, not stating with certainty.
4.4 to 4.5 - 'Did you get to know a cute girl? And maybe you got to know each other?' -> The two questions don't make sense back to back worded like this because he's just asking the same question twice.
4 whole - This whole page is a good example of what I mean about stiffness. You have this friend who is obviously goofy-coded, and the things he's saying are pretty goofy too, but he's worded them as the most strict, plain English possible. It creates a level of dissonance that makes reading it feel odd.
5.1 - again, another 'get to know'. repetition is also not helping the stiffness
5.3 - '... with blue-purple inner color highlights' -> similar to 'track and field', the word 'color' here doesn't need to be included. It's already obvious he's talking about colours, and having him say the whole term out loud each time is more of that stiffness.
6.1 - 'I don't know her bust size.' -> again, like... the guy's a downer, but he's not a robot. Would he really just say this so plainly?
6.4 - 'she's a student, though' -> the 'though' doesn't feel quite right on its own. You could've had the second bubble follow from that to something like 'maybe you know her already?' and that would work better. As it is, it's just sorta hanging around.
6.5 - 'well-versed in internal school affairs' -> I'm assuming the guy is a gossipmonger and not a cop. this wording is very cop-coded.
7.1 - 'so could it be that you haven't noticed because you're an introvert?' - this doesn't make a lot of sense to me. the friend clearly isn't an introvert so it's not talking about him, but he's the one saying he hasn't seen her around. and the MC clearly has noticed her, so it's not like he hasn't noticed something. I dunno what this was supposed to be.
7.1 cont - 'there are people who play guitar in bands too' -> I'm sure there are, but why is he saying it here? A literal translation has lost context. 'I haven't seen her playing in any of the bands around here' or whatever you like, but needs padding out.
7.2 - 'junna is a beautiful girl that a hundred out of a hundred people would agree on.' -> you don't agree on 'a beautiful girl'. 'Junna's looks are something that everyone would agree on.'
7.3 - 'if shigure goes so far as to assert it' -> very stiff, and using the third person doesn't help either. That's not common in English. Either drop it - 'if you're saying that, it must be true' - or lean into it harder - 'if the lone wolf shigure is saying that'. But don't assert it. No highschool kid is going to assert it.
8.1 - 'her name is amamori junna' 'junna amamori, huh...' -> oh no! he got localized mid-panel!
8.1 - 'can't say I've heard of it' -> wow, kind of rude to call her an 'it'
9.2 - The 'I' in its own bubble looks incredibly goofy. If there's one thing I would give your group some serious recognition on it's your redrawing, and I think you could have used some of that here.
9.3 - 'Kurimoto is...?' -> Kinda strange on its own. Better to just echo what the friend said: 'It's Kurimoto...?'
(Aside: I've only just noticed you're not using honorifics anywhere. That's a stylistic choice and it's up to you, but I think if you're not going to use them you should probably not also have her switch to surname here, because it suddenly made it real obvious. Basically try to stick to English norms - first names, relatively casual - or keep honorifics and stick to Japanese norms. Mixing the two might feel odd.)
9.3 cont - I'm completely lost on the bubble order on this panel, especially with the 'wait, that's unexpected' in the middle of it. like is that before or after the friend reinforces it? aaaa
10.3 - 'what about teenage kurimoto?' -> ???? OH, she's calling back to last panel. This has lost all context of her asking about Junna and is very confusing as a bubble on its own. Link them up: 'So, Mr. 'teenage guy'...' / '... who's caught your eye?'
(I'm spotting that as a pattern, actually. Revisiting 4.3-4.4, the same thing happened there - the two parts of a connected question were split into separate bubbles. That may be something to watch for in future.)
10.5 - 'I told Yamada about Junna's characteristics - whose wide circle of contacts rivals Yojiro's' -> at the very least move the clauses around, because at the moment you're saying that Junna's characteristics have a wide circle of contacts. 'I told Yamada - whose wide circle of contacts rivals Yojiro's - about Junna's characteristics'. But, again, these are high school kids. No-one's gonna say 'characteristics': 'Yamada knows as many people as Yojiro does, so I described Junna to her'.
11.1 - 'If you want to know, you should just ask her directly' -> strictly speaking this is kiiind of fine, but he's talking to himself. It makes sense if he's saying it like a proverb, or a self-reassurance, but even then surely it would sound better as 'If I want to know, I should just ask...'
12.3 - 'I properly came in the morning today' - there, uh, there had to be a better way to word this. 'I properly arrived on time', maybe.
13.4 - '...the Regamaster...' 'Reggae?' -> pick one, or spend a second googling it.
14.1 - 'the reggae that incorporates sim' -> ??? Again, a google would've helped here. In which case the band is incorporating reggae, not the other way around.
14.2 - 'it doesn't matter why I picked this guitar' -> incorrect thanks to missing context. she's clearly got a reason for picking the guitar, she says so next panel, just that reggae doesn't have anything to do with it. 'reggae isn't why I picked this guitar'
15.2 - 'I listen to various kinds of music' -> I think this is wrong. We know the guy's a depressive rock fan from ch1. This is probably meant to be 'I listen to a lot of music' or 'I listen to a lot of bands, but I don't really research them'
16.1 - 'don't you think that without a deeper understanding, you can't appreciate...' -> This bubble got mulched and reversed in meaning. She just got done telling him it's fine to enjoy music how he likes, and repeats that immediately afterwards, so it makes no sense for her to proclaim he needs to have a deeper understanding. Also 'the goodness of the music'???
16.1 cont - similarly, I have no idea what's going on with the left half of the page here. I've tried to avoid suggesting this because it's kind of crass, but you should really go look at the other translation here for a better idea of how to word this whole thing. A lot is getting lost in a literal translation here.
16.2 - 'it's better not to look up various things... I guess the same applies to Junna' -> again, no kid is going to 'look up various things' about another person. 'it's better not to be too nosy'? 'it's better not to dig too deep'?
16.3 - 'anything except yohila is fine' -> she's the one giving the quiz. she's saying she's not going to do yohila.
this is already ridiculously long so I'm just gonna stop here
GENERAL NOTES
- Stiff. Really, really stiff. The guy is a downer but that doesn't mean he talks like a robot. A lot of lines read like they're from a textbook, either because they're too literal or because there's no tone to them at all, it's just a flat translation.
- A lot of your dialogue bubbles don't flow into each other well. This is partially because they're stiff, but often they're very literal translations that don't really scan as part of a conversation.
SPECIFIC PANELS
2.2 - 'Because it was raining this morning, there was no track and field practice' -> incredibly stiff English. Again, this reads like a textbook, and the use of the full term 'track and field' just heightens that. These are highschool kids thought patterns. 'Because of the early rain, track was cancelled'.
2.2 cont - Another reason these bubbles feel stiff is because you're maintaining the same pattern 'Because of X, I did Y'. Breaking patterns like these up prevents them becoming stale.
2.3 - By including the 'However' here you're kind of changing the meaning of the panel. It's causing the suggestion that he's lying to himself - that Junna does have something to do with his mood. I'm not sure it's appropriate.
3.3 - 'Even when it's pouring rain like this, are you really that happy that practice was cancelled?' -> the first half feels clunky. I guess the idea they're going for here is 'are you really that happy that practice was cancelled [yet again]' - i.e. that there's been a lot of rain recently. As it is, it's a bit nonsensical: yes, of course he'd be happy it's cancelled. You just said it's pouring rain.
4.1 - 'is the book you're reading now really that interesting?' -> the friend is throwing out a guess, not stating with certainty.
4.4 to 4.5 - 'Did you get to know a cute girl? And maybe you got to know each other?' -> The two questions don't make sense back to back worded like this because he's just asking the same question twice.
4 whole - This whole page is a good example of what I mean about stiffness. You have this friend who is obviously goofy-coded, and the things he's saying are pretty goofy too, but he's worded them as the most strict, plain English possible. It creates a level of dissonance that makes reading it feel odd.
5.1 - again, another 'get to know'. repetition is also not helping the stiffness
5.3 - '... with blue-purple inner color highlights' -> similar to 'track and field', the word 'color' here doesn't need to be included. It's already obvious he's talking about colours, and having him say the whole term out loud each time is more of that stiffness.
6.1 - 'I don't know her bust size.' -> again, like... the guy's a downer, but he's not a robot. Would he really just say this so plainly?
6.4 - 'she's a student, though' -> the 'though' doesn't feel quite right on its own. You could've had the second bubble follow from that to something like 'maybe you know her already?' and that would work better. As it is, it's just sorta hanging around.
6.5 - 'well-versed in internal school affairs' -> I'm assuming the guy is a gossipmonger and not a cop. this wording is very cop-coded.
7.1 - 'so could it be that you haven't noticed because you're an introvert?' - this doesn't make a lot of sense to me. the friend clearly isn't an introvert so it's not talking about him, but he's the one saying he hasn't seen her around. and the MC clearly has noticed her, so it's not like he hasn't noticed something. I dunno what this was supposed to be.
7.1 cont - 'there are people who play guitar in bands too' -> I'm sure there are, but why is he saying it here? A literal translation has lost context. 'I haven't seen her playing in any of the bands around here' or whatever you like, but needs padding out.
7.2 - 'junna is a beautiful girl that a hundred out of a hundred people would agree on.' -> you don't agree on 'a beautiful girl'. 'Junna's looks are something that everyone would agree on.'
7.3 - 'if shigure goes so far as to assert it' -> very stiff, and using the third person doesn't help either. That's not common in English. Either drop it - 'if you're saying that, it must be true' - or lean into it harder - 'if the lone wolf shigure is saying that'. But don't assert it. No highschool kid is going to assert it.
8.1 - 'her name is amamori junna' 'junna amamori, huh...' -> oh no! he got localized mid-panel!
8.1 - 'can't say I've heard of it' -> wow, kind of rude to call her an 'it'
9.2 - The 'I' in its own bubble looks incredibly goofy. If there's one thing I would give your group some serious recognition on it's your redrawing, and I think you could have used some of that here.
9.3 - 'Kurimoto is...?' -> Kinda strange on its own. Better to just echo what the friend said: 'It's Kurimoto...?'
(Aside: I've only just noticed you're not using honorifics anywhere. That's a stylistic choice and it's up to you, but I think if you're not going to use them you should probably not also have her switch to surname here, because it suddenly made it real obvious. Basically try to stick to English norms - first names, relatively casual - or keep honorifics and stick to Japanese norms. Mixing the two might feel odd.)
9.3 cont - I'm completely lost on the bubble order on this panel, especially with the 'wait, that's unexpected' in the middle of it. like is that before or after the friend reinforces it? aaaa
10.3 - 'what about teenage kurimoto?' -> ???? OH, she's calling back to last panel. This has lost all context of her asking about Junna and is very confusing as a bubble on its own. Link them up: 'So, Mr. 'teenage guy'...' / '... who's caught your eye?'
(I'm spotting that as a pattern, actually. Revisiting 4.3-4.4, the same thing happened there - the two parts of a connected question were split into separate bubbles. That may be something to watch for in future.)
10.5 - 'I told Yamada about Junna's characteristics - whose wide circle of contacts rivals Yojiro's' -> at the very least move the clauses around, because at the moment you're saying that Junna's characteristics have a wide circle of contacts. 'I told Yamada - whose wide circle of contacts rivals Yojiro's - about Junna's characteristics'. But, again, these are high school kids. No-one's gonna say 'characteristics': 'Yamada knows as many people as Yojiro does, so I described Junna to her'.
11.1 - 'If you want to know, you should just ask her directly' -> strictly speaking this is kiiind of fine, but he's talking to himself. It makes sense if he's saying it like a proverb, or a self-reassurance, but even then surely it would sound better as 'If I want to know, I should just ask...'
12.3 - 'I properly came in the morning today' - there, uh, there had to be a better way to word this. 'I properly arrived on time', maybe.
13.4 - '...the Regamaster...' 'Reggae?' -> pick one, or spend a second googling it.
14.1 - 'the reggae that incorporates sim' -> ??? Again, a google would've helped here. In which case the band is incorporating reggae, not the other way around.
14.2 - 'it doesn't matter why I picked this guitar' -> incorrect thanks to missing context. she's clearly got a reason for picking the guitar, she says so next panel, just that reggae doesn't have anything to do with it. 'reggae isn't why I picked this guitar'
15.2 - 'I listen to various kinds of music' -> I think this is wrong. We know the guy's a depressive rock fan from ch1. This is probably meant to be 'I listen to a lot of music' or 'I listen to a lot of bands, but I don't really research them'
16.1 - 'don't you think that without a deeper understanding, you can't appreciate...' -> This bubble got mulched and reversed in meaning. She just got done telling him it's fine to enjoy music how he likes, and repeats that immediately afterwards, so it makes no sense for her to proclaim he needs to have a deeper understanding. Also 'the goodness of the music'???
16.1 cont - similarly, I have no idea what's going on with the left half of the page here. I've tried to avoid suggesting this because it's kind of crass, but you should really go look at the other translation here for a better idea of how to word this whole thing. A lot is getting lost in a literal translation here.
16.2 - 'it's better not to look up various things... I guess the same applies to Junna' -> again, no kid is going to 'look up various things' about another person. 'it's better not to be too nosy'? 'it's better not to dig too deep'?
16.3 - 'anything except yohila is fine' -> she's the one giving the quiz. she's saying she's not going to do yohila.
this is already ridiculously long so I'm just gonna stop here
Member
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No thanks dear. Your comment don't make a single sense. No one's asking for you to type this in the first place too. Just remember people just come here to send a feedback or just check some comments. If you've really got this great skill, I think you are better off working for official publishers.
Fed-Kun's army
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Is blood scans the new Wildfang Project for romcom mangas?
yes? what did you think that was?
my feedback is that the group has consistent problems with their translations that I've brought up before. I would honestly like them to get better, which is why I'm spending energy trying to explain the issues rather than just go 'wow this is bad'
Funnily enough, 'trying to collab' was what led to the thing I mentioned above where they're trying to take over a series by speedsubbing...
Fed-Kun's army
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- Jul 17, 2023
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- 34
Unfortunately, their spotty QC meant that the collab failed and now they're trying to highjack a series from ToruScans like a petulant child.
