@schlo
I apply something similar to your 'person I respect' principle irl as well, but mine is in regards to forming friendships. I ask myself "if I had a child, would I want them to be friends with this person?" and if the answer is 'no' then I punch the person in the face before running away.
But the internet is a much tougher place, in that people will behave far more harshly since a sort of detachment from the idea of "there's an actual person on the other side of the screen reading this" occurs when less humanization exists than in face-to-face communication. I understand this detachment (and am definitely not bereft of it myself), which is why I think mentally applying much less rigid standards of conduct to myself and those I come across makes sense. By this standard, the majority of 'bad' conduct really only occurs in edge cases, which we comparatively don't see nearly as often as regular posts and interactions.
So for better or for worse, I doubt that applying the same standards to online and in-person conduct will ever go smoothly when it concerns a number greater than the people applying said standard, especially on a site like this.
As far as stifling rebuttals...
Indeed, this point is accurate. This is what the two options I described in my previous post would prevent (either you @ the person or you don't mention their name and comment location). Tbqh fam, posting anything anywhere means that it's open to criticism; notifying someone of your (or someone else's) critique of their post, unless an actual response is sought after, is done purely out of courtesy. And to expect such unenforced courtesy regularly in such an environment would be misguided and overly idealistic.