I Shaved. Then I Brought a High School Girl Home. - Vol. 1 Ch. 1 - Heartbreak and the High School Girl

[Drezden]

хмммммм

 

[DANDAN_THE_DANDAN]

@Holo WAIT A MINUTE HOLD ON

@Bladestone As someone who writes for a hobby (and personally thinks is good at it too) I wouldn't do that. It's not about censorship but rather keeping an aura.

You can say "One day this jk ran away from home. She had sex with some dudes in exchange for survival until she met this nice 26 year old dude. Now love her already and sympathize."

That's not really a good intro, is it? Not only that it breaks the "show, don't tell" rule but it also lacks emotion.

Going back to this chapter, the way she instinctively start seducing him as if it's a common thing is foreshadowing at how broken she already is from that six months of rinse and repeat. This is the "Now love her already and sympathize" part while following "show, don't tell" rule. I can get into more by breaking this chapter apart but I son't want to spend that much time.

@Holmes15 I don't see any tragedy nor smut tags to support your speculation.

@Gambino Nope, no drama tag. Also, that part about the men that she slept with showing up again? Super cliche. Considering the amount of viewers and an immediate 8 rating on this thing, I have a reason to believe that the story will not fall under such cliche.

Source: my intuition as a writer

 

[jazz154]

Why people are asking if she is virgin? It's obvious that she isn't.
And yes, she is slut for having many sexual partners even if she didn't enjoy it.
I wonder how many STDs she has.

 

[kuyukotto]

F??? must.. press.. f...

 

[aemu]

Sayu is not doing it purely for money or for fun. She do it to survive. So, I disagree if someone call her a slut. It is not like she have much options to begin with, considering how hard it is for a school girl to find a decent job to pay for rent and living expenses in Japan.

 

[MP20895]

@Gambino I don't live in Japan so I can't say much, but finding a job as a homeless girl with no degrees, no specialization isn't an easy task. Yeah again, I'm not saying selling her body is any good either, but what do we even know, in order to judge someone in her circumstance?
And I use western girls not because I hate them or anything, it's just that Japan is one of the utmost eastern countries on earth, so any country in Europe or America is basically western to Japan, right?

 

[KAFi]

@kronix u here?!?! There is a beta mc in this series!

 

[kronix]

@MangaA-Z this is garbage hommie, why the fuck would I read about some used goods slut thot? fuck that shit I can read hentai better than this

I can already tell you how fucked up this manga is goign to be.

Probably in the near future you will start seeing the guys that been "letting" her stay at their place, she prob gonna get fucked again while the beta bitch boi mc stays on the sidelines acting all beta bitch boi self cucking doing nothing.

nah dude I dont have this for shit story I gotta use Destroy Dick December from all the No Fap November u know wut im sayin

 

[KAFi]

...no nut November lol.

 

[Bladestone]

@DANDAN_THE_DANDAN

The just spit it out thing was more due to the frustration with the comments, so it wasn't like I would write a story like that. Personally I would slowly incorporate some subtle hints about her past, and only after we were at a point where all of the readers and MC loved her would I reveal anything. Yet from experience if I did something like that in a Manga/LN a good portion of readers would riot. This is why I said just pull the band-aid off quickly and anyone looking for a purity heroine can just jump off the train right away.

 

[DANDAN_THE_DANDAN]

@Bladestone That's fair but in my opinion that story achetype would need another valid element in order to capture the reader's attention in the first chap. Here, her obvious past is eye-catching enough for the readers to get invested in the story.

I guess you can make use of the mystery aspect of your approach, maybe even mix in a little bit of comesy, but I fear that your version would be counted of as "cliche" cause if I read a story like that I would call it so; meanwhile, not a ton of stories immidietely set their characters, other than the overused protagonists-has-a-traumatic-backstory trope of course, in a low point so early on.

 

[HermesPasser]

muchi muchi, officer-san?

 

[Akabane]

Why do I get the feeling she ran away from an abusive home and she probably tried to say with a male friend only to be taken advantage of and raped. Now she has no self worth and offers the only thing she has, her body to find a warm place. I see that Seinen and Drama tags so I know that her past (guys) will show up to throw this so called "slice-of-life" into chaos.

 

[Kinji]

@Akabane I think you've grasped the story quite well.

 

[ImSoBoss]

Wtf is wrong with you guys. Used goods? I swear the anime and manga community are full of mentally weak beta males.

Unless what you guys saying are a joke then that's fine.

 

[dopeboykx]

What a weird cat ???? Litteraly invade your house

 

[DexGhost]

hmm, adult MC for once...

 

[christopherleo]

Based on a hentai game ??

 

[TokenOtaku]

This MC is an adult! He has a teenage daughter at a young age. I can only imagine the shit he is going to get into.

 

[tppcrpg]

Used goods, wouldn't sell even at clearance sale.