My Wife Is From a Thousand Years Ago - Ch. 225

[MaskedVigilante]

If he doesn't trust her, he shouldn't be with her.

And I am a man btw. And if my wife didn't respect me, I would NEVER have married her. And I make sure to respect her too. Respect has to be mutual.

And it's not a man owes women or the verse, it's couples OWE EACH OTHER respect.

And I would do the same for her. If he views something as important, she would also have to respect that.

Respect should be mutual, and if not, he should not have had a relationship with her nor kept her in his house.

If he divorces her the next day, that is his personal lack of character and is a complete separate issue.

You keep on trying to muddle the issue but the point is that he's not giving her beliefs respect and is trying to take advantage of her.

Relationships are based on trust. If you don't have it, you shouldn't be together. And he shouldn't have her in his home. Simple as that.

He should just end it and keep the money she earned for him.

Such a big words for someone who hasnt been madly in love before.

Do you think this is some sort of boot camp and military service where people act with honor and respect?

Their relationship is nothing compared to normal relationships. He couldnt distance himself from her the moment he felt lack of trust because pushing her aside would mean loss of life. Her continued presense in the house has made him become even closer to her without a proper and rational reason. The guy has lost control over himself. And she fueled it quite well too the moment she jumped on him during new years eve.

You have no mercy on him.

 

[deathmailrock]

Such a big words for someone who hasnt been madly in love before.

Do you think this is some sort of boot camp and military service where people act with honor and respect?

Their relationship is nothing compared to normal relationships. He couldnt distance himself from her the moment he felt lack of trust because pushing her aside would mean loss of life. Her continued presense in the house has made him become even closer to her without a proper and rational reason. The guy has lost control over himself. And she fueled it quite well too the moment she jumped on him during new years eve.

You have no mercy on him.

You say there is no mercy on him... but I am giving mercy.

So just because he's nervous, I should be okay if he acts scummy???

And he's not acting out of fear, he's acting out of lust and just lacks some respect to her beliefs... that's it...

And you think relationships shouldn't have respect??? Those always turn out either abusive or in divorce.

Respect is always needed in a healthy relationship.

 

[MaskedVigilante]

You say there is no mercy on him... but I am giving mercy.

So just because he's nervous, I should be okay if he acts scummy???

And he's not acting out of fear, he's acting out of lust and just lacks some respect to her beliefs... that's it...

And you think relationships shouldn't have respect??? Those always turn out either abusive or in divorce.

Respect is always needed in a healthy relationship.

Now reading what you just wrote, I begin to doubt that you are married and have a wife. I doubt that you even have a real love experience in your life.

You say he is nervous? He is not. You do not understand what it means to have a powerful emotion that cannot reasonably be controlled. I know he has it, because the day he confessed to her the possibility of rejection begin to destroy him within. No shyness, no reason, couldnt stop him from saying those things to her. This is what a powerful emotion is. Not your nervousness. I wouldnt even rule out him killing himself rather than facing with the idea that he will lose her some day. He has no reasoning when it comes to her. Its way passed that moment. His only path is to push forward.

Respect is applied when you have a control over situation. He was given no choice to think his actions through.

No I do not think it will turn into abusive relationship. One thing that I know about women is that they truly feel about men no less than men feel about women. She is just toying with him. She obviously has emotions. But she refuses to adhere to them. This is unfair both to him and to herself. He will battle it until the end.

 

[Rjgamersxbr]

If you are a man who writes that and miraculously have a fertile wife...then give her to me for a few days, I will make her pregnant and then you can watch after my kid with her.

By the way if you have kids, go check for DNA test. 30% of kids arent their fathrers.

No sane man will want a woman who already have a kid as a wife.

Of course she will be able to file for divorce and take away his kids. But that wont accomplish anything in the end. She will remain single since no other man will want to do anything with her. That is why I said that filing for divorce will be a very hard decision. It will be the same to secluding herself to loneliness for the rest of her miserable life.

How you look based on this comment:

 

[Rjgamersxbr]

You must also be someone who belives in magic and flying people around too. This woman isnt stronger than this man. That is the first. Secondly, even in China one can get a gun. Illegally. And force a woman to do anything he wants. Therefore from Jiang He`s point he did nothing wrong, just used his brain.

I'm 99% sure you haven't actually read this manhwa, she literally overpowers him in many instances, there's even one where she does it to kiss him

 

[Rjgamersxbr]

This novel pictures an impossible view on female physical prowess. If you belive that she can beat a man nearly twice her size, then you might as well belive fairies and magic too. You do not understand the physical differences between men and women well enough to understand what a huge gap in physical strenght men have against women. Let me give you some hint. On average men have nearly twice the muscule mass on upper body part and nearly 30% more muscule mass on lower body part. Secondly if you look at Jiang He she looks very petite and not athletic at all. Physically its impossible for her to be stronger than this man. Simply impossible.

Yeah but this Is about a girl who time traveled from the Tang Dynasty to present times and you're questioning the fact that she's stronger than him? My God, dude go touch some grass you're arguing for nothing

 

[BlackElite]

They still have conscience! Safe!

 

[theVIBE]

I'm pretty sure if he was doing something she didn't want, she could literally beat the tar out of him with one hand.

 

[deathmailrock]

Now reading what you just wrote, I begin to doubt that you are married and have a wife. I doubt that you even have a real love experience in your life.

You say he is nervous? He is not. You do not understand what it means to have a powerful emotion that cannot reasonably be controlled. I know he has it, because the day he confessed to her the possibility of rejection begin to destroy him within. No shyness, no reason, couldnt stop him from saying those things to her. This is what a powerful emotion is. Not your nervousness. I wouldnt even rule out him killing himself rather than facing with the idea that he will lose her some day. He has no reasoning when it comes to her. Its way passed that moment. His only path is to push forward.

Respect is applied when you have a control over situation. He was given no choice to think his actions through.

No I do not think it will turn into abusive relationship. One thing that I know about women is that they truly feel about men no less than men feel about women. She is just toying with him. She obviously has emotions. But she refuses to adhere to them. This is unfair both to him and to herself. He will battle it until the end.

I never said HE was nervous, I was responding to YOUR argument about nerves and what not...

Which is literally the issue.

2nd, respect should always be applied to fellow humans. Control or not.

Also, she is not being unfair. Her stance is that she wants to wait till marriage. He should just respect that.

She is not being unfair, she is being CLEAR and giving BOUNDARIES that she wants to keep until SHE is ready.

She is not doing anything wrong by refusing sex. Even if she wanted it, that doesn't mean she has to act on it.

It's just one of her values and he is giving no respect for that.

And not giving respect to a person's values is a HUGE red flag and a pretty scummy thing to do.

In fact, it's HIS actions that are unfair. Guilt tripping her into sharing a bed with him, trying to manipulate her into having sex.

To her, it is obviously a big deal... shouldn't he try to make it special for her???

If waiting till she's ready is something he's not willing to do, then he obviously doesn't love her.

Maybe he doesn't share that value that she does... but he should at least respect it...

Trust is built off of respect and if you do not have trust or respect, you should not have a relationship, period.

SHE IS NOT TOYING WITH HIM.

SHE CLEARLY STATED SOME RULES.

If he is against those rules, he shouldn't be with her. Simple as that. If he tries to manipulate her, he's being scummy.

 

[MaskedVigilante]

I never said HE was nervous, I was responding to YOUR argument about nerves and what not...

Which is literally the issue.

2nd, respect should always be applied to fellow humans. Control or not.

Also, she is not being unfair. Her stance is that she wants to wait till marriage. He should just respect that.

She is not being unfair, she is being CLEAR and giving BOUNDARIES that she wants to keep until SHE is ready.

She is not doing anything wrong by refusing sex. Even if she wanted it, that doesn't mean she has to act on it.

It's just one of her values and he is giving no respect for that.

And not giving respect to a person's values is a HUGE red flag and a pretty scummy thing to do.

In fact, it's HIS actions that are unfair. Guilt tripping her into sharing a bed with him, trying to manipulate her into having sex.

To her, it is obviously a big deal... shouldn't he try to make it special for her???

If waiting till she's ready is something he's not willing to do, then he obviously doesn't love her.

Maybe he doesn't share that value that she does... but he should at least respect it...

Trust is built off of respect and if you do not have trust or respect, you should not have a relationship, period.

SHE IS NOT TOYING WITH HIM.

SHE CLEARLY STATED SOME RULES.

If he is against those rules, he shouldn't be with her. Simple as that. If he tries to manipulate her, he's being scummy.

I completely disagree. Some people love talking about respect, but they dont really know whom or to what they truly shall show respect. If she truly loves him and wants to have sex with him, its disrespectful both to herself and to him to follow some imaginary values. Why you never look at it from that perspective? What is more important, your own happiness or imaginary obstacles?

This is not the first time this delusion of Jiang He happens. How many times Xue had to slam his way though only to let Jiang He later realize that it is something that she loves doing too. Maybe her past life makes her unconsciously create obstacles for her to be happy. Why should Xue knowing that part of her, let her distance herself from being happy? And where is respect to her and to himself in that if he gives up on his efforts?

She kept rejecting him not only on sex. But even touching her body which isnt sex. A person who truly likes you would not act like this. There is too much resistance in her. As if there are no emotion toward him in her at all. Which makes me think that she is acting on purpose on goal, rather than following real affection. It is a very good indication that she is trying to take advantage of him.

Also he is not the one who stops the marriage. Its her. Again, more unfairness to Xue. How much he supposed to take more? Are imaginary values that much important compared to the suffering that Xue is already having? Where is the respect to the man in this?

Guilt tripping her into bed? Excuse me, why did she herself agree to be his girlfriend then? He would never attempt to do that if she didnt want to be his girlfriend. Maximum what he did to her was holding her hand and hug her. Do you really think that someone who expresses her emotions into wanting you are supposed to sleep away from you even when it doesnt mean sex? What is the point of wanting him then? She is not consistent with her own decisions. And you keep looking down on him. So unfair.

To her, it is obviously a big deal... shouldn't he try to make it special for her???

Maybe its not a big deal for her too and she doesnt know it? This is not the first time that she changed her attitute after giving Xue a pass on his advances.

If waiting till she's ready is something he's not willing to do, then he obviously doesn't love her.

Or he loves her enough to not let her stop herself from being happy?

Maybe he doesn't share that value that she does... but he should at least respect it...

Maybe he does. But looking at how inconsistent Jiang He can be, he decides to fight for every inch of territory that she holds dear, only to find out what was truly valuable and what was not.

Trust is built off of respect and if you do not have trust or respect, you should not have a relationship, period.

Military boot camp.

If he is against those rules, he shouldn't be with her. Simple as that. If he tries to manipulate her, he's being scummy.

Too late for that.

 

[MaskedVigilante]

Yeah but this Is about a girl who time traveled from the Tang Dynasty to present times and you're questioning the fact that she's stronger than him? My God, dude go touch some grass you're arguing for nothing

When you are done with believing into magic and fairies, get on your kneels and worship people of Tang Dynasty as Gods too.

 

[okaerin]

I hope you guys understand that pushing limits is fine, it's when you ignore when someone says "No" after pushing limits that you are scum.

Obviously it's more complicated in a real life with sub text, power dynamics and etc, but it's pretty clear here: cross the line and she will kick his ass.

Has his ass been kicked?

This is the only reasonable take in this thread. Remember that every character's thoughts and intentions are ultimately an extension of the author. There is no questioning what his and her boundaries are, they are literally shown to us in speech and thought bubbles.

It is more simple in this story than any other: if she does not want it. It will not happen. There is no 'pressure' here. Xu Qing's been beat up 12389 times and he will be again if need be. She quite literally gave this man verbal consent to use her legs to masturbate in the washroom earlier in the same chapter. You do not need to white knight a fictional character who clearly wants to do lewd things with her partner

 

[deathmailrock]

So you believe the only way for a person to be happy is by having sex??? That having your values respect and having patience can't make you happy???

And values aren't imaginary. Yes, they are thoughts, but they also are our guides and beliefs. They are valued for a reason. Just because you yourself don't hold those values doesn't mean others don't and that they shouldn't be respected.

And frankly, it's not a bad thing to hold on to them.

The reason why people have relationships is because we want more than just sex. We want a partner we can share things with. We want love.

There should be more to a relationship with sex. Saying that she should sacrifice her values for a temporary pleasure isn't a sign of THEIR love, it would be HER love.

But respecting that value doesn't mean she loves him less.. it just means she has beliefs that are important to her.

But if HE doesn't respect those values then he's putting sex above her. He's valuing sex over respect and love.

If you can't respect a person's values, you either do not love them or are immature and don't realize you are hurting them. Because people do feel guilt and pain from breaking those values.

And it's not too late to break up.

Yes, she allowed him into the bed even though it broke her values, but even after doing it all this time, note that she isn't 100% comfortable... she's not happy about it... she's doing it, she loves him... but she feels guilt and uncomfortable.

She's basically putting him above herself... but he's being too selfish to see that.

 

[MaskedVigilante]

So you believe the only way for a person to be happy is by having sex??? That having your values respect and having patience can't make you happy???

And values aren't imaginary. Yes, they are thoughts, but they also are our guides and beliefs. They are valued for a reason. Just because you yourself don't hold those values doesn't mean others don't and that they shouldn't be respected.

And frankly, it's not a bad thing to hold on to them.

The reason why people have relationships is because we want more than just sex. We want a partner we can share things with. We want love.

There should be more to a relationship with sex. Saying that she should sacrifice her values for a temporary pleasure isn't a sign of THEIR love, it would be HER love.

But respecting that value doesn't mean she loves him less.. it just means she has beliefs that are important to her.

But if HE doesn't respect those values then he's putting sex above her. He's valuing sex over respect and love.

If you can't respect a person's values, you either do not love them or are immature and don't realize you are hurting them. Because people do feel guilt and pain from breaking those values.

And it's not too late to break up.

Yes, she allowed him into the bed even though it broke her values, but even after doing it all this time, note that she isn't 100% comfortable... she's not happy about it... she's doing it, she loves him... but she feels guilt and uncomfortable.

She's basically putting him above herself... but he's being too selfish to see that.

The reason why she feels uncomfortable for seeing her "values" being broken may be rooted in another reason. How about seeing her plan of taking advantage of him being fallen apart? Maybe that is why she is upset? Because if she leaves this relationship with sex and kids, she wouldn't have a winning hand in the end.

Beliefs arent beliefs if they have reasons. That is the definition of what a belief is. If it has a reason behind it and that reason is rooted in reality, then it isn't a belief anymore, its now the truth itself. I dare her to show a justification for her belief that sex before marriage is a good idea. If she puts a beliefs without reason way above the desires of her own and Xue then she surely doesn't love him nor give any value to the relationship they are having. Where is love in this? You are just making yourself a fool and vulnerable for being taking advantage of.

I certainly don't believe that sex is the sole part of a relationship. But judging by how Xue behaves, I think in that moment sex is the most important part of their relationship. And therefore it shouldn't be ignored. Of course other things can make a person happy. But the position that Xue is in is a questionable one. She doesn't have an ID. Her motives are unclear. No sane person will believe that a woman came from 1200 years ago without hard evidence. She could be faking all of this. It is more believable that she does fake it. And if she does fake it, then she obviously trying to take advantage of it. It may sound disgusting, but surely having sex and kids will spoil any plan of taking advantage of Xue by her. I understand him. Under normal circumstances I would view the situation differently.

You said that values are guides. I dare you to explain to me what exactly this belief of her guides her through in? I asked you before and you didn't give me an answer...what if he marries her have sex and next day divorces. What defense she has against that kind of scenario? How exactly holding yourself until marriage guides you through such a problem? It doesn't...isn't it? Then what is the value of it?

A belief should be respected only if it deserves a respect. You cant go around and ask people to respect your beliefs if it sounds outlandish and outright stupid to them.

Of course relationships are something more than just a sex. Sharing life experiences, goals and efforts. I agree with that. But right now he is obviously feeling pain for not being close to her. It is not in his ability to control that. So what is he supposed to do while she chases fairies and engages in unreasonable stupidity? Bring a goat and do it in front of her while she thinks? Isnt that her role there?

If it is a temporary pleasure that she wants too, and her beliefs have no justification, I only think it is a mere stupidity to hold on to those values. Besides, as I said before, the only reason why are they are not married is not because of Xues indecisiveness, but her absence of an ID. As far as Xue is concerned she is his wife. With or without a marriage certificate. Isn't that more valuable than a piece of paper? Why should he be the one who isn't just the only person who spends an effort to get her an ID while providing the necessities for life, but also have to put up with her stupid ideas? Isn't that asking too much of him? What does her love to him say about that? Assuming that there is one....and not something fake to mislead Xue?

I do not think that disregarding her values is the same thing as disrespecting her or having less love towards her. He just disregards things that are trivial by nature and in given situation and shouldn't be put between them to destroy the quality of their life. Which is exactly what love requires.

I do not think that not putting up with someones values equals to not loving them or should be considered as being immature. If those values have reasonable explanation and serve as a good guide I would take them seriously. In the given case it does not. In other words, without a proper justification to still "respect" her values is exactly what is considered to be absence of love and maturity. It is no nonsense attitude.

People feel guilt and pain from their stupidity too. So what? Everybody shall feel sorry for it too?

If she wants to break up its ok too. She will still need a man in this life to have a good one. Assuming that she wants kids. Otherwise she can move with Gong Ping and share misery with her while paying together the mortgage that will probably last in her grave, and by the age of 30 she will become a leftover woman that nobody wants. If that is the life she wants, then good riddance.

I do not know why she feels uncomfortable with sleeping with him in the same bed. You say because he broke her values? Ok shall it be ok for him to sleep with another woman in near room while Jiang He battles between her conscience and desires? And not only that now, but also with possibility of him running away with that woman? How about that? How about that kind of feel of uncomfortable? I mean, the feeling of Xue of being uncomfortable to be in the same house with a woman whom she considers as a girlfriend and future wife while not even sleeping with her is not even taken into consideration.....yet!

She is putting herself above him? She supposed to be. What do you think he was doing when he was taking her into her house? He could just call the police and have them handle this matter and go after someone like Gong Ping who would definitely sleep and have sex with him and marry him in a blink of an eye. Welcome to the modern world.

 

[deathmailrock]

1st, WE KNOW she's not trying to take advantage of him.

2nd, we KNOW she really is from the past.

3rd, yes he could have taken her to the police. That was HIS OWN CHOICE

And it wouldn't be okay for him to cheat just cause he won't sleep with her.

Maybe if they drag sh*t out too long, sure... but she's not against leaving her entire life with him.

So you are saying that if a woman doesn't give up her body, she should be a left over woman???? That is pure scum mentality right there.

So you believe a women is an object only for sex??? That nothing other than sex should matter???

She already basically agreed to be his wife. He could just wait.

And think about it. Why are YOU angry (not using this as a personal insult, but trying to show you an example) that we think it's wrong to pressure a girl when she wants to wait till marriage???

And it's because it doesn't match YOUR values.

Think about it. YOU are angry because other people don't share your values. And this isn't people you are close too, this isn't people you are building a relationship with... this is with strangers.

YOU are angry that strangers do not share your values.

Meaning, YOU DO value values. You are just hating that the values aren't your own.

See the issue???

If you honestly believe that values are stupid, then you have no need to be angry at other people having clashing values.

But to her, marriage and sex are literally THAT important. For her, it's GIVING EVERYTHING to him. To someone who values sex so much, isn't it right to value that and make it important???

If someone values sexual pleasure over their own partner's well being is scum. Simple as that.

 

[MaskedVigilante]

1st, WE KNOW she's not trying to take advantage of him.

2nd, we KNOW she really is from the past.

3rd, yes he could have taken her to the police. That was HIS OWN CHOICE

And it wouldn't be okay for him to cheat just cause he won't sleep with her.

Maybe if they drag sh*t out too long, sure... but she's not against leaving her entire life with him.

So you are saying that if a woman doesn't give up her body, she should be a left over woman???? That is pure scum mentality right there.

So you believe a women is an object only for sex??? That nothing other than sex should matter???

She already basically agreed to be his wife. He could just wait.

And think about it. Why are YOU angry (not using this as a personal insult, but trying to show you an example) that we think it's wrong to pressure a girl when she wants to wait till marriage???

And it's because it doesn't match YOUR values.

Think about it. YOU are angry because other people don't share your values. And this isn't people you are close too, this isn't people you are building a relationship with... this is with strangers.

YOU are angry that strangers do not share your values.

Meaning, YOU DO value values. You are just hating that the values aren't your own.

See the issue???

If you honestly believe that values are stupid, then you have no need to be angry at other people having clashing values.

But to her, marriage and sex are literally THAT important. For her, it's GIVING EVERYTHING to him. To someone who values sex so much, isn't it right to value that and make it important???

If someone values sexual pleasure over their own partner's well being is scum. Simple as that.

If someone values sexual pleasure over their own partners well being is scum? Didn't you just said that there is more to relationships than just sex? Now you equated her entire relationship with him to mere sex and dropped everything else. Isn't she the one who acts like a scum?

Hahaha. Very good. You are smart one. I like that.

You are right. It has something to do with me too. Well to be precise it has something to do with modern society, where women end up as destroyed husks.

The thing is is that it reflects the behavior of modern women. Many of them carry this "princess" mentality and think that everybody owes them something. This is a stupid idea since it destroys their lives.

You cannot live in this modern world without making sacrifices.

She got herself an opportunity that even Gong Ping didn't. Even for a modern woman, she is a very lucky person. Half of the women of my generation are childless and single. They cant be mothers anymore and their lives will end in misery. You know why? Because they had "values" that arent compatible for a good life in this world. They destroyed themselves. And seeing what the author of this novel tries to portray in this novel, it just shows the repetition of the same mentality all over again. And what makes things even worse is the grown up men and women in this discussion who still fall for this stupidity. How can this not make someone angry?

You said we know she doesn't try to take advantage of him? Well I am not so sure. What makes you so sure. Even if she is a time traveler, that doesn't automatically mean that she has to agree to marriage with the person who just took her in. She might feel forced to act in certain way (act as a girlfriend and fiance) because he told her that if he continues to support her after rejection it will make him a boot licker. She has no other choice but to act if she truly despises him. Understand?

Of course taking her in is his own choice. It shows how much sacrifice he is willing to make to win over a woman he finds attractive. Why the same doesn't work for her? If she truly harbors attraction towards him why does it always have to be conditional? What kind of attraction dynamic is this? And what exactly are we teaching to our women with this? To become next failures? Scratch that!

They arent dragging this s*it for too long? It has been a year and they barely sleep together. Excuse me but I do not think Xue is being treated fairly. He actually went all way in for her...he gave her everything...the only thing that is missing (and she values that) is due to a failure that isn't his own. And somehow this is still not enough for her? He gave her housing, food, shelter, protection, even works for her ID, took her as a wife, shown her to his parents and introduced her as his future wife, she surely has no doubts in his intentions....and it is still not enough?? What? The amount of arrogance in Jiang He is astounding. This is disgusting. And she still might think that leaving him behind is an acceptable and valuable idea after so many things done for her. What do you think Gong Ping would have done if she faced with so many effort from Xue? I am pretty sure she would instantly be his without any hesitation.

If the woman doesn't give her body should she be a leftover woman? ABSOLUTELY SHOULD! Look, if you want to have a good life in this world, then learn to make sacrifices. This is how you live in this world. Nobody owes you anything. If you think that this is wrong mentality, just follow the trail of those who followed that path and you will see that they did become leftover women and nobody wants them. Do you want to repeat what they have done? You think this is a scum mentality? So be it. It is a scum mentality. Take it or leave it.

A woman is definitely an object of sex. You cant do it right with a bed or a picture on the wall. But of course she is not just an object of sex. So when the time comes for it to do what it supposed to do, it cant be ignored.

If she agreed to be his wife, then she should honor her agreement. Grow the balls and seize your life.

 

[deathmailrock]

Here is the thing, she's not trying to act like a princess. She cooks and cleans and is willing to do her own part.

She's not just being a lazy bum and not caring about him. She's even put it so all the money she earns goes to HIS account.

She basically gave him all of the power in the relationship.

And yes, she agreed to be his wife. And the moment she's able to, she will marry him. She just wants to wait for the sign.

And you are claiming that modern women aren't fulfilled as much (and it's modern people; men are also having more failed relationships, not just women), but isn't one of the reasons because modern people are too casual about relationships and sex???

They act super casual about it, give it not enough seriousness... and then are shocked when it fails.

And if a women is unwilling to EVER have sex... then I'd agree, she shouldn't be married.

But Jiang He isn't saying no to ever having sex, just that she wants to wait till marriage.

And she made that clear pretty early on in the relationship. He basically got with her while knowing her values.

And in his case, all he needs to do is wait. Is that really such a big deal???

You are saying it's disgusting... but honestly, I think it's respectable.

If she was only using him, then that's one thing... but she obviously cares about him.

And if just not putting out makes you feel disgusted, I'm sorry, but I feel you have worse psychological issues you need to deal with.

The fact that she's waiting till marriage actually shows how important that relationship is to her. How important HE is to her.

She values marriage so much that she is only willing to sleep with him after marriage. Because marriage is just that important to her. That's actually a really good sign and makes her more trustworthy.

If you do everything before marriage, then what's the value of marriage? But she's showing value in their marriage through waiting.

In fact, saying they have to have sex just because they were together for a year just feels scummy and wrong.

And she's not a prostitute. They are in an actual relationship.

If he was trading that stuff for sex, that'd be one thing. But that isn't what they are doing. They are instead being in a relationship.

They aren't trading good shelter and clothing for sex, they are in a proper relationship with the intent of marriage. She is basically his fiancee.

And in such a relationship, if you do not feel values by your partner and not respected, your relationship is going to fail.

And again, she's not a one sided recipient. She cleans, she cooks, she even earns some money for them to buy a house, not to mention that she does have some changes to be a bit more liked by him.

She also teaches him martial arts and his diet and health improved quite a lot because of her.

So he actually is benefiting quite a lot.

His quality of life actually went up with her.

 

[MaskedVigilante]

Here is the thing, she's not trying to act like a princess. She cooks and cleans and is willing to do her own part.

She's not just being a lazy bum and not caring about him. She's even put it so all the money she earns goes to HIS account.

She basically gave him all of the power in the relationship.

And yes, she agreed to be his wife. And the moment she's able to, she will marry him. She just wants to wait for the sign.

And you are claiming that modern women aren't fulfilled as much (and it's modern people; men are also having more failed relationships, not just women), but isn't one of the reasons because modern people are too casual about relationships and sex???

They act super casual about it, give it not enough seriousness... and then are shocked when it fails.

And if a women is unwilling to EVER have sex... then I'd agree, she shouldn't be married.

But Jiang He isn't saying no to ever having sex, just that she wants to wait till marriage.

And she made that clear pretty early on in the relationship. He basically got with her while knowing her values.

And in his case, all he needs to do is wait. Is that really such a big deal???

You are saying it's disgusting... but honestly, I think it's respectable.

If she was only using him, then that's one thing... but she obviously cares about him.

And if just not putting out makes you feel disgusted, I'm sorry, but I feel you have worse psychological issues you need to deal with.

The fact that she's waiting till marriage actually shows how important that relationship is to her. How important HE is to her.

She values marriage so much that she is only willing to sleep with him after marriage. Because marriage is just that important to her. That's actually a really good sign and makes her more trustworthy.

If you do everything before marriage, then what's the value of marriage? But she's showing value in their marriage through waiting.

In fact, saying they have to have sex just because they were together for a year just feels scummy and wrong.

And she's not a prostitute. They are in an actual relationship.

If he was trading that stuff for sex, that'd be one thing. But that isn't what they are doing. They are instead being in a relationship.

They aren't trading good shelter and clothing for sex, they are in a proper relationship with the intent of marriage. She is basically his fiancee.

And in such a relationship, if you do not feel values by your partner and not respected, your relationship is going to fail.

And again, she's not a one sided recipient. She cleans, she cooks, she even earns some money for them to buy a house, not to mention that she does have some changes to be a bit more liked by him.

She also teaches him martial arts and his diet and health improved quite a lot because of her.

So he actually is benefiting quite a lot.

His quality of life actually went up with her.

All what you just said makes alot of sense. And I agree with what you just said. However, all of it could mean that she just wants to preserve her level of life that she is having. That she doesn't want to return to her previous life...whatever that life is. Whether in mountains, or 1200 years ago. It only shows that she is ready to fight for a better life.

However with that said, I still don't believe that she truly wants him. Just the life she is having with him is what she wants. (Perhaps she even thinks that she is somewhat superior to him and what she is getting from him is a part of what a man "owes: to her.) To me she looks like she is forcing herself to adapt to the changing environment. I still think that a woman who feels attracted to her man, even when wants to uphold the value of withholding sex before marriage, would still act much differently than what Jiang He is doing right now.

For example I would expect her to have herself carried away in her affection only later to realize that she shouldn't have done it. But what we are seing here is a very distanced person. I don't know. It is the problem of Xue Qing to deal with such a person. I personally wouldn't. I think her lack of attraction to him would simply lead to an early divorce or infighting in the near future. This is not how a family is built.

The problem of modern people with failed relationships is not in their casual behavior. Its the lack of respect of women towards men. Its their thinking that they are somewhat superior to men. It leads them to have unrealistic expectations about men and throw a good relationship with a man under the bus. Only later to realize that they were delusional. But when that time to realize comes, its always too late to do anything about it.

Using Xu Qing to improve her own life while not feeling attracted to him, is still called taking advantage of him. It is a loveless marriage. Just cooperation for survival and thriving. Sorry this is not a family life a man should be imagining to have.

Under such circumstances that I portrayed, it makes sense for her to hold sex and kids for a reason other than what you try to describe. She might be holding herself until sign to make sure that she has proper power over Xue Qing if things go to shambles. Right now she is powerless to do anything against Xue Qing other than cut his head off. If she ends up with kids without Xue Qing nearby taking care of her, she will end up with worse life than she had before as a single person. In order to prevent falling into abyss, she probably wants to keep sex out of relationship before sign. In that scenario it perfectly makes sense. But that still doesnt solve the problem of loveless marriage. It could show that she wants a better life no matter with whom, for as long as it works. I dont think it is a good idea to use marriage as a weapon against men. She could have done the same thing with a man she truly feels in love with. I do not think Xue Qing would be against to help her out. At least to the minimal level. But going after Xue Qing to better her life is exactly what gold diggers do.

 

[deathmailrock]

That "lack of respect of women towards men" is just not true. Sure, we are personally seeing more of it... but that's because the internet allows us to see it. And let's be real, there is just as many men who do the same towards women.

Often times, these men and women are hurt by bad people of the opposite gender and blame the entire gender, mistrust the entire gender... but forget that they're not scum because of gender but scum regardless of gender.

That isn't the actual majority case. In fact, that is just a minority that we can now see... honestly most people would probably live their entire lives and never meet those kinda people... the internet just gives the illusion that they are more common.

It's also a case for kidnapping and violence. Because we see it on TV or the net, we fear it more than we logically should (cause our brains aren't wired for world level though).

And I personally feel that you are allowing your personal fears to affect your judgement of the character. It's pretty clear she loves him.

Also, the term "gold digger" is often mixed. We need to remember that for most of human history, the ONLY way women could ever better their lives was with men.

The very idea that women can earn their own better life is a new one.

But it's also not everything to a woman either. It's like how guys get attracted to beautiful women, women get attracted to wealth... what matters isn't why they get with you, but what they do once married.

Jiange He's love for him is so obvious it's crazy. And that's what is pissing me off. He's taking advantage of that love and care she has for him and ignoring her values.

And honestly, when people break some values, they are likely to break more. Most people who cheat don't think cheating is okay. They just broke those values.

As long as the value isn't harmful, keeping values is often better than breaking them, cause if not, you are breaking your character... and can you really trust a person who can't keep their character???

 

[deathmailrock]

Just so you know, I'm not trying to personally insult you or make you feel bad or anything. I hope you realize that.

It's sometimes hard to tell on the internet, so just in case, I'm putting this up and hope that it doesn't hurt your feelings or cause you pain.