I love the translation and think your efforts to bring across the proper characterization through word choice comes across well. Plus I like that you explain your choices in the credits page. It's important to realize language isn't just words but an entire distinction culture of communication, and after a very early point you aren't translating words but that entire culture filled with sub cultures all with a distinct history. Every translation is going to be different, and personally I see the best as those that just try with an honest effort. And hey, you're making art and a story that'd otherwise be inaccessible, accessible to us.
Onto the story itself, Amane is cute,mbut my sympathies are going to be with the girl that admits she likes our Otaku and is making more of a genuine effort to progress romantically.