shitpost here

[Xzayer]

Well, this is going to take a long time, so you may want to get some snacks.

THOUSANDS OF YEARS AGO, before the dawn of man as we knew him, there was Sir Santa of Claus, an ape-like creature making crude and pointless toys out of dinobones and his own waste, hurling them at chimp-like creatures with crinkled hands regardless of how they behaved the previous year. These so-called "toys" were buried as witches, and defecated upon, and hurled at predators when wakened by the searing grunts of children. It wasn't a holly jolly Christmas that year. For many were killed.

 

[Exiled]

Spoiler

"The smallest things give me a great cockstand—a whorish movement of your mouth, a little brown stain on the seat of your white drawers, a sudden dirty word spluttered out by your wet lips, a sudden immodest noise made by you behind and then a bad smell slowly curling up out of your backside.

At such moments I feel mad to do it in some filthy way, to feel your hot lecherous lips sucking away at me, to f*ck between your two rosy-tipped bubbies, to come on your face and squirt it over your hot cheeks and eyes, to stick it up between the cheeks of your rump and bugger you.

At every f*ck I gave you your shameless tongue come bursting out through your lips and if I gave you a bigger stronger f*ck than usual fat dirty farts came spluttering out of your backside.

You had an arse full of farts that night, darling, and I f*cked them out of you, big fat fellows, long windy ones, quick little merry cracks and a lot of tiny little naughty farties ending in a long gush from your hole.”

-James Joyce

 

[Xzayer]

I'm not finished.

YOU should have gotten a snack. A war-like race of elves from the Red Planet landed on the ice-encased Earth, and they were immediately enslaved by the unevolved Santa Ape to make his confused toys using galactic elfin technology. Toys were made into recognizable shapes and given names like "train, " but these toys were also thrown at predators and defecated upon because they were so stupid. Christmas still sucked, in a big way.

 

[Xzayer]

THOUSANDS OF YEARS AGO the ice had made the globe invariable. Santa Ape did not know where the North Pole was. How could he? He was born before science existed. So he arbitrarily placed his workshop IN NO MANS LAND, long before they unionized, and Christmas was celebrated at each full Moon in front of a great red ape.

 

[BlackGeneral]

Did you know that "Alive people have more stuff than dead people",or that "People with smaller genitals are more frequently subject to systematic oppression."

Learn more about Intersectionality here .

 

[LowSanity]

@BlackGeneral
Your intersectionality score: 20
You are more privileged than 59% of others!

Nice my ancestors did their job in 59%

 

[ABCsOfLife]

VA Jokes...

Spoiler

Well mostly it's just Jojokes lol

- Kaguya-sama Love is War
- Attack on Titan
- Food Wars!

 

[BlackGeneral]

Hanging out with Sayori (Mature content ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°))

 

[BlackGeneral]

"Boko no Piokou!"
The harcore Cliker Game who will make you feel like spider-man.

 

[ABCsOfLife]

So like... Vampire is an undead right? How come most of the time it's shown they have children? I mean.. Are.. Those parts still works? You know, being dead and all...

That aside, they supposedly don't age right? Won't that mean if they can have kids, the kids will stuck being a baby forever?

Also, since they are undead can or should it be categorized as necrophilia, if one engage in sexual relationship with them (vampire)? 🤔

 

[LowSanity]

@ABCsOfLife i've only watched old vampire movies and books. Stuff like twilight and vampire diaries were for teens when i already wasn't.

"Vampire is an undead right?" Yes, they are. But undead doesn't mean a corps like zombies, many undead creatures have working organs and physiology.

"Those parts still works?" For hard wood you only need working blood system and vampires have it, when it comes to sperm and woman parts then it can be debated i guess.

"That aside, they supposedly don't age right? Won't that mean if they can have kids, the kids will stuck being a baby forever?"
As far as i remember vampires can have half vampire kids do age, i actually don't remember if the do slower or however it worked.
When vampire+vampire are trying to have kids the the kid is born dead(not undead, just dead) or are born as some other kind of monster, can't recall what it was.
Many old vampire stories are 'bout vampires trying to find some magic or technology that would help with the kid issues.

"Also, since they are undead can or should it be categorized as necrophilia, if one engage in sexual relationship with them (vampire)?"
They are a little cold but they move so i don't think it necrophilia. Vampires don't age like you mentioned so vampire having sexual relationship with normal ppl would be pedophilia as they can be hundreds years older 😜

 

[AfterMidnightMoon]

@ABCsOfLife Hotel Transylvania?

 

[dantziel]

i hate weebs

 

[ABCsOfLife]

@LowSanity

They are a little cold but they move so i don't think it necrophilia

Zombies move you know.. so... 😂

@AfterMidnightMoon Yes, exactly... I was wondering how they just like pop out a baby since they are as I said.. undead. 😁

 

[LowSanity]

@ABCsOfLife
True, so when vampire is having sex with a human then it's pedophilia. While this human is committing necrophilia.
It's like 2 in 1 option 😜

 

[Albwin]

@ABCsOfLife

Traditional mythology is even crazier. In some traditional vampire myths the deceased husband comes to rape his own wife (rather a reason for necrophobia than necrophilia if you ask me), begetting a child that is born without even a single bone in its body. Compared to living out your life in jellyfish-at-land-manner (unable to breath underwater as you are still human) it is doubtlessly better to stay a baby for eternity, isn't it?

 

[ABCsOfLife]

@Albwin Yikes... Though, that sounds more like a horny revenant if you ask me. 😂

 

[DANDAN_THE_DANDAN]

I didn't check this thread for a few weeks, wth is going on? Why are you guys talking about jellyfish and vampires?

Edit: Just read the older ones. WTH @EXILED?!!

 

[DANDAN_THE_DANDAN]

@ABCsOfLife @LowSanity

"Those parts still works?" For hard wood you only need working blood system and vampires have it, when it comes to sperm and woman parts then it can be debated i guess.

Well technically women have a limited amount of eggs in their ovaries, that's why menopause happens - they ran out of eggs. Men can produce an infinite amount of sperms as long as they have testicles although the sperm quality decrease as the man ages.

If the vampires you're talking about have regeneration superpowers, they should be able to have healthy full-vampire babies.

If the vampires have their bodies frozen in time, the women shouldn't even be able to release their eggs or menstruate so fertilization is impossible; men too with their sperm.

If the vampires have their organs work like normal humans but don't age like they do, the women will run out of eggs 80 years after their human birth while men will be sperm factories for eternity. (This means that you won't need any pills if you wanna get it on with a legal vampire loli ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), although you need to age them first...)

 

[ABCsOfLife]

@DANDAN_THE_DANDAN but the Selena Gomez character (I forgot her character name lol) in Hotel Transylvania is like 100+ y.o. how can she still pump out a baby then??! 🤔
What a flawed movie... 😂