Amayo no Tsuki - Vol. 12 Ch. 48.2 - Overflow

[Prismatic-chan]

enough to make a yuri connoisseur cry.
first akebi-chan and now this, i can die happy now.

 

[Azkareth]

Kanon did NOT wanted to wait another 4 chapters again

 

[shittycoolusername69]

In most situations where your best friend is trying to tell you something, trying to encourage her by a kiss on the mouth would be at best highly unorthodox. But I think Kanon's intuition was perfect here. Even if she hasn't consciously thought about the possibility that Saki loves her back, maybe a deeper part of her mind connected the dots. And now Saki has no reason to not put her cards on the table.

This chapter is also kind of a big deal because with this and that Yuri Hime oneshot from earlier this year, it seems Kuzushiro is finally drawing kisses again after who knows how many years. I used to pray for times like this! Hopefully there's more where that came from.

It is since it's the primary source for all of her issues so far in the manga. It ties to her biggest fear that she will be rejected by society at large as well as people close to her if she ever admits to everyone that she is attracted to girls. It is the only issue that caused her to go into full panic mode, especially when Rinne met her and pressed her about what she is hiding.

But, to be fair, that is the only thing manga has shown us so far as well as Saki herself when monologuing about her past. When you check all the scenes from her past the only exception to her sexuality was when she was a kid and had to go outside and play/wait while her mother took care of her grandfather and when she asked her mom about her dad and mistook that she angered her. And only asking her mom had some effect on her, but not too much as she was able to ask other people about sensitive things in the manga and not have panic attack of some side-effect of that.

Not having a dad can have it thought but ih her case it had no lasting effects. Her mom raised her well and she had no issues establishing normal relations with people when she was younger nor now in high school. Nor she was lacking for money as she was taking piano lesions from early stages of her life, and those cost a fortune.

When you look objectively at her as a character and not take the internal homophobia into account, Saki is competent character that is a bit tame but when push comes to show she can pull more than her weight. She is great at interactions with people (especially with children, all kids loved her so far), her studies are solid and she can help others learn as well, she is great organizer and can manage multiple people on the projects (as shown in cultural festival), she is very intelligent and can come up with solutions on the fly (like when they were searching for Rinne or when she had three-legged race with Kanon), she is a very hard worker (as evident by even Kanon's mom praising her later on, even offering her to aim for music university) and most of all she is very empathetic toward people. Her empathy being the one thing that carries her trough the story, being able to not see everyone else around as inherently evil and giving them a chance to explain themselves. Then helping them with their problems which in the end resulted in everyone being in a better place then when they have started (some examples: being stubborn in becoming friend with Kanon and listening to Ayano's story and offering her own opinion). She even influenced others to be like that (like when Kanon helped Tomita when she lost her hearing and when Ayano helped Kanon to bake and later on for two of them to come clear with their feelings).

Only times in the manga when she is showing deep psychological scars and any negative traits is when same-sex relations are brought into question. In middle school she panicked with Mahiru, when her piano teacher said she was pregnant she felt depression and loneliness, when Rinne confronted her about Kanon she fell to the ground in panic, when Kanon told her in joking manner that she might be in love with her she panicked. All of her fear and shortcoming come from the same issue - that she will lose everything once her own sexuality is in the light. That people will not only target her but that everyone who is close to her will abandon her. What we really need for manga to explore is how she came to that conclusion, as we have seen with people like Akira that she can be open about it and have a normal life. Akira might not have found herself someone that will love her but she can be open about her sexuality on her work with her colleagues and not having any negative consequences because of that.

Sorry for the long text, but TLDR is that I do not necessarily disagree with you that Saki might have other mental issues to work on. But when you look at manga as a whole there is not much that can you point out other than her internal homophobia. Moreover, Kanon has much bigger issues as she not only lost her hearing (which pretty much made her incapable to continue with perusing what she loved) but she was also ostracize by society (middle school when all the girls thought that she was only giving attention to boys) and she was betrayed by those closed to her (Ayano). It was Saki who was successful into bringing Kanon back from all of that trauma and enabled her to function normally again (at least in terms of having friends and goals in life again). Now it will be Kanon's turn to do the same for Saki.

What I can also agree is that I would love for manga to explore more of that concept, as we still do not know much about Saki's early years and how did she managed to get by. I really hope that this will be the highlight in the next few chapters as Kanon will definitely try to get more of Saki in order to understand her better. I just hope it will go in that direction and not end in 5 to 10 chapters now that they have kissed.

I agree that Saki being gay has indirectly impacted her decisions and mental health, but I disagree with your terminology and some of your conclusions. Internalized homophobia is a type of internalized bigotry, in other words bigoted beliefs about a marginalized group held by someone who is a member of that group. But Saki does not really come across as lesbophobic/homophobic. She has not shared irrational views on homosexuality/lesbianism or belief in negative stereotypes.

Saki likes girls, she knows that she does, she knows that mainstream society does not treat people like her as normal, and while her environment is not explicitly homophobic, it's also not explicitly accepting. So she stays in the closet and she's afraid of being outed. None of this is irrational on her part, and yet it causes anxiety and stress anyway. It's true that she has agency in how she copes with this situation, but this anxiety and stress is not going to go away by processing some traumatic event from her past. That is, assuming she lives in a world that closely resembles ours.

 

[MajuUwU]

I bet never in her wildest dreams did saki think this would happen.

Also JUNE 27??!! I'm gonna age twice as fast waiting for this but I love this author so much they deserve all the rest

 

[dqvdqv]

Holy, it actually happened!!!

The author's other works love to hint at it but never commit so this is a welcomed surprise.

 

[Ichigo69]

It's just a month.... Sheesh.... had to wait someting like 2 years for Ruri Dragon and about the same for Sasakoi...
I'm pretty sure you'll be fine....

 

[WaterSoluble]

Only times in the manga when she is showing deep psychological scars and any negative traits is when same-sex relations are brought into question ...

Two traits that Saki consistently shows: Belief that she will be abandoned/neglected/rejected and her belief that other people/situations are hostile towards her.

In Chapter 46 we see how Saki projects negative assumptions about how people relate to her:

1) She starts thinking about how her mother never gets involved in her affairs and wonders why she doesn't ask what's wrong, only for her mother to immediately ask what's wrong.
2) Her mother then tells Saki that she'll listen to anything, and Saki responds by yelling that her mother is lying to her. This belief isn't based on her mother's systemic behaviour, it's based on a single misunderstanding that happened when Saki was in kindergarten.... over a decade ago! And all that time, the misunderstanding could have been solved based on a single conversation.
And since that conversation is about her father, we also see how she's been holding onto abandonment issues the entire time as well.

This is the pattern that we see throughout the entire Manga. When Saki is depressed about losing her piano teacher at the very beginning of the manga, we are seeing someone who is depressed that she is being abandoned by the woman she has a crush on. To drive this home, we actually see the teacher say "I'm not abandoning you" to Saki to highlight her perception that she IS being abandoned.
Even Saki choosing not to bring friends over in grade school (not a single one!) because her mother was taking care of her grandmother follows this pattern of negative, self-effacing assumptions. Saki was always welcome to have friends over, but presumed that she shouldn't. When she finally brings Kanon over, her mother is super excited. This sort of psychological challenge is something she's had for at least her entire school life, predating her sexuality being relevant.
Similarly, when Saki realises that Mahiro isn't being antagonistic towards her, the art-style changes from showing Mahiro with solid-black eyes (indicating Saki's view of Mahiro as being antagonistic) to normal eyes and Saki thinks to herself "Was Mahiro always someone who smiles like this?", she's realising that her view of Mahiro was again an issue rooted in her own assumptions/preconceptions.

And Saki herself is aware of this problem. When she realizes that her mother wasn't actually keeping information on her father from her, she's not caught off guard by her error, but instead thinks: "That means, once again, that was my assumption." When she thinks to herself that "the reason I can't move forward is because my real enemy is myself", this tendancy is what she's referring to.

 

[Fin55]

I used to pray for times like this.

 

[MacinteuchPlus]

Kanon realised her feelings and instantly acted on them I'm crying 😭 lesbian speedrunner

 

[BrotherCoa]

It's a romance about a closeted woman, so the fact that Saki's issues play out in context with her sexuality is to be expected---but those issues are not caused by her sexuality, and they will continue to be something she needs to deal with even while in a relationship with Kanon.

Thanks for that wall of text, it is highly appreciated.

I agree with your statements, but I still think that her sexuality is a big catalyst for her current mental state.

Her fear that she will be abandoned/neglected and belief that other people/situations are hostile towards her is rooted from that, because we all know how members of such community are treated in some countries. We don't know when exactly she realized that she likes only women, it may be when she was still a small kid. If she was shown/seen some examples at that age it could be the catalyst for fear that is she is honest about her feelings that she will be left all alone. By still not telling her mother yet we can assume that she thought that even mom will let her go. I know it is only a speculation, but we do not have much info about her past since before middle school. Something I hope we will see in future chapters.

I can say one thing for sure - Kanon will help her get over all of that. She had it much worse than Saki, being actually hurt by people close to her. And that left her with a lot of experience in those matters not to mention sheer strenght of will. Just like Saki was there when Kanon was feeling down, Kanon will be there for her now and she will accept Saki fully or who she really is.

And I have a feeling that first test of that acceptance will be Kanon's mother.

 

[outinthegardener]

Jesus, unc. How did you get in here ahahah.

Listen up! I used to be "with it." But then they changed what "it" was, and what I was with wasn't "it" anymore, and what was "it" was weird and scary! It'll happen to you!

 

[B0D14]

The best part about this entire situation is to whom it is happening. Outside her internal homophobia Saki is one green amazonian forest of a character.

She rarely gets angry at others, avoids confrontation, never gives up when it comes to helping others, actually sits down and listen to their issues and everyone who had some interaction with her ended up in better position in the end.

Despite her flaws, and being so meek, she had such possitive major impact on others. And overall improve everyone's quality of life, that she is outright deserving of being seen as a saintly figure.

That is why the last scene in this chapter hits so much more. After all her good deeds, and seeing her struggle so much to the point of crying, she finally have someone who will be there for her when it is the hardest.

Our little baby gay is almost there, just a little bit more...

Yes, totally!!! Saki is an adorable person, very compreensible about others peoples feelings and actually pretty good with words (despite not comunicating her own problems to others, she doens't hold back when comforting someone), and i think that is what makes her character so cool to me!

People like Saki tend to bottle up a lot, even though they come out of the way to help others to comunicate (Like what she did when "crossed the line" with Kanon), they do not do that for themselves. Which is unfortunate, but very real and it adds a cool perspective to this person self-development! It's really sweet to see this character getting more confident and being able to love themselves.

Aughhhh i just hope these two comunicate about it in a way that both can help each other mutually, they really do love each other and are so cute together! I look forward to see them having cute dates SOON!!

 

[actualfrog]

!!!!!!!!!!
She did it!

 

[purplelemondoesstuff]

WOOOOOOOO!!!! WE'RE AT THE PEAK!!!!! 🔥🔥🔥🔥

 

[Badam11]

This is why I was born

 

[TheLostLight]

When Saki is depressed about losing her piano teacher at the very beginning of the manga, we are seeing someone who is depressed that she is being abandoned by the woman she has a crush on. To drive this home, we actually see the teacher say "I'm not abandoning you" to Saki to highlight her perception that she IS being abandoned.

I think you've seriously misinterpreted this scene. The teacher saying, "I'm not abandoning you," is not a highlight, but a foil to contrast Saki's true inner state. Saki is sad because her love is unreciprocated and her crush has been 'taken' by somebody else. The piano teacher is oblivious to this and assumes that Saki is sad because she feels abandoned, even though this isn't the case. The line is highlighting Saki's masking and the invisibility of her struggles, which is truly what has been a throughline throughout the story.

 

[TheLostLight]

I agree that Saki being gay has indirectly impacted her decisions and mental health, but I disagree with your terminology and some of your conclusions. Internalized homophobia is a type of internalized bigotry, in other words bigoted beliefs about a marginalized group held by someone who is a member of that group. But Saki does not really come across as lesbophobic/homophobic. She has not shared irrational views on homosexuality/lesbianism or belief in negative stereotypes.

I think you've confused internalized homophobia with just regular homophobia. One does not have to be homophobic to have internalized homophobia. It's a much broader concept than just that.

 

[quorramoon]

MY BABIES I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART

Thank you so much for the translation. I'm gonna celebrate pride month with them

 

[lucambridgman]

Saki please do not over think. The kiss is real and the love is genuine.

 

[wortback]

can’t believe my eyes. After all these years of following this manga we have finally reached this point. Kanon is acting fairly bold in this chapter. Honestly I was surprised. Expected a hug, not a kiss. But it’s definitely for the best. Also curious that Kanon didn’t really have any moral qualms about liking a girl. Wonder if we get to see this aspect being brought up in the upcoming episodes.
Anyways, glory to Kuzushiro-sensei and the translator! Please get some well-deserved rest 🙇🏼‍♀️