Jimoto no Ijimekko-tachi ni Shikaeshi Shiyou to Shitara, Betsu no Tatakai ga Hajimatta. - Ch. 20.1 - I can't wait for the battle to begin.

[Chronigan]

It's funny you say that, because I have a personality disorder which literally makes that impossible. So every time I hear it, I feel this dropping feeling in my stomach. I can't love myself, I literally can't, if I had a great support circle, thousands of dollars of therapy, expensive drugs I don't have insurance for, maybe I'd be able to crawl back but I don't.

Saying "love yourself" is so frustrating to hear, I can't even explain to you how miserable it makes me. I've never been loved by a human in my life, my brain is fucking broken, I FUCKING DESPISE who I am, WHAT I AM. You think I want to be this way? No, which is why killing myself is something I think about on constant loop. A voice in my head screaming PLEASE NO MORE AHHHHHHHHHHH PLEASE AHHH DIE PLEASE KILL Y OURSELF SLIT YOUR WRISTS 24/7 all day every day unless I block it out with something, try and escape for a few minutes. I can't my afford medication anymore, it's not something I can afford and also not be homeless. So stop. Stop telling people that useless platitude. It's makes me so fucking sad

I just wanted to say you're not the only one going through something like this and to try to keep fighting to get what you want. I know it can feel daunting or hopeless at times. Good Luck.

 

[tekkenshu7]

Thanks for the chapter!

Funny how a girl can be both weirded out and be impressed by a boy at the same time.

 

[Z20041915]

GO STRAITO
AND TURN RAITO
GO GO GO
GO YOUR WAY, BELIEVE IN YOURSELF

YOU ARE WELCOOOOME

Sora?

 

[Lex79]

I'm still not sure if Sumika is really going to be the end game, but I hope the author won't go for the "all love is unrequited" by having her become too freaked out by Kotaro.
Let them get together, or have him move on from the vtuber and start dating one of the bullies (or all of them).

 

[Mr_Detective]

Gaijin dude travels to another country, but can't figure out how to use Waze or Google Maps for navigation?

At least have the courtesy to ask if they speak English instead of just straight up asking them out of the blue like that.

 

[isoycrazy]

"I can't let Kotaro find out I'm Fumi-tan, he'll be disappointed."

Sumika, you might want to be more worried that he finds out you're Fumi-tan because you might end up handcuffed to a fucking radiator in a basement.

It's not so bad. If he can sing well, he's got a great paragon of healthy love in literature to emulate. He just needs a mask, cape, and shows her a doll of her Fumi-tan image in a wedding dress. And then he can also use the Punjab lasso on the three bullies.

 

[Azusu]

i wouldn't be suprise if 1 or two chapter later they found a corpse

 

[Iosif]

Bah. Dreams destroyed. Fumi-tan no longer based. Now I'm rooting for no one.

 

[hazbiy97]

Ohh a chapter (or half chapter maybe) without those trio reaction, i already miss them though. Can’t wait to see how they will react lol

 

[GambierBay]

Man went from looking rather cool to being a creep in the span of half a chapter.

 

[Seoul]

It's funny you say that, because I have a personality disorder which literally makes that impossible. So every time I hear it, I feel this dropping feeling in my stomach. I can't love myself, I literally can't, if I had a great support circle, thousands of dollars of therapy, expensive drugs I don't have insurance for, maybe I'd be able to crawl back but I don't.

Saying "love yourself" is so frustrating to hear, I can't even explain to you how miserable it makes me. I've never been loved by a human in my life, my brain is fucking broken, I FUCKING DESPISE who I am, WHAT I AM. You think I want to be this way? No, which is why killing myself is something I think about on constant loop. A voice in my head screaming PLEASE NO MORE AHHHHHHHHHHH PLEASE AHHH DIE PLEASE KILL Y OURSELF SLIT YOUR WRISTS 24/7 all day every day unless I block it out with something, try and escape for a few minutes. I can't my afford medication anymore, it's not something I can afford and also not be homeless. So stop. Stop telling people that useless platitude. It's makes me so fucking sad

Seek God.

I’m not saying this ironically. The solution is different for everybody, but wallowing in self pity and seeking the love and validation of others is not the way to go. It’s stories like yours that make me feel more and more disgust towards vTubers who prey on this parasocial loneliness phenomenon. Not towards the vTubers themselves, who often are normal people just trying to survive in creative ways in this bleak present, but the companies who commercialized, normalized, and are capitalizing on this dark trend with merch, etc. Looking at you Hololive.

Faith (not in God personally, I became a pretty hardcore Buddhist as its tenets fit much better with my understanding of the boundary between the temporal and the mystical) was my solution, though I’m not sure it will be yours. But it’s better to try something than to just let yourself sink further and further into the abyss. So try going to Church. Even LSD, though I don’t suggest joining them. Mormons are notorious for being extremely kind right up until you become a part of their community. Read and explore the scriptures of eastern faiths. Explore the spiritual philosophy that is being forgotten in this day to day in our pursuit for material and immediate gratification. Do something, anything, to come closer to whatever God is to you. And no, God is not your oshi, and God is certainly not the dark machine that rules our dark society and drives the cogs of the false capitalist dystopia we find ourselves lodged between.

I’m not trying to sound patronizing. Your story legitimately worries me. And just like you, I dislike advice that breeds the narcissistic society we find ourselves in today. It’s so tone deaf that it makes me feel ill as well. No, it’s not about loving yourself as a placebo for the lack of love one feels. It’s about giving your love, in whatever capacity you can feel and understand, to others and the world around you, and learning what love in its purest sense by spreading it. It may be for selfish purposes, but the world is a selfish place. The world is rotten, and you and I are also rotten. But that doesn’t mean we can’t try to overcome the poison in our souls. By making the world around us a better place everyday even if little by little, the poison plaguing our own souls too will be dissipated little by little.

Just remember that you are doing it for something, and never expect anyone to reciprocate your good will: You are doing it for yourself and the sanctity of your own existence. Being kind to others does not give you a moral high ground. It gives you a reason and cause for existence that can give you your own salvation. And for many of us in this bleak present, that’s all we really need.

 

[TwisterJR]

such a weebo

 

[Yaaaap21]

🤣

 

[VladDracul2]

Man this comment section sure does go places some times...

 

[isoycrazy]

Man this comment section sure does go places some times...

It's the internet..... so yeah.

 

[Carn109]

I could go for some sushi right now...

 

[yuzarama]

It's funny you say that, because I have a personality disorder which literally makes that impossible. So every time I hear it, I feel this dropping feeling in my stomach. I can't love myself, I literally can't, if I had a great support circle, thousands of dollars of therapy, expensive drugs I don't have insurance for, maybe I'd be able to crawl back but I don't.

Saying "love yourself" is so frustrating to hear, I can't even explain to you how miserable it makes me. I've never been loved by a human in my life, my brain is fucking broken, I FUCKING DESPISE who I am, WHAT I AM. You think I want to be this way? No, which is why killing myself is something I think about on constant loop. A voice in my head screaming PLEASE NO MORE AHHHHHHHHHHH PLEASE AHHH DIE PLEASE KILL Y OURSELF SLIT YOUR WRISTS 24/7 all day every day unless I block it out with something, try and escape for a few minutes. I can't my afford medication anymore, it's not something I can afford and also not be homeless. So stop. Stop telling people that useless platitude. It's makes me so fucking sad

Good luck, i really can't give you any nice words even tough i experience the same thing not loved by others even my family (i lived in the asian family and my narcissist parents with every stereotype asian parent you can find like they value how other people to see them more than anything, demand me to be perfect not because love but so they can show off how perfect parents they are and right now they isolated me in every way( i can't making money, can't live alone, and etc) and making me so i can only do what they want).

but you can try religion like i do, the reason? when i try to take my final step i just getting scared because that time i don't have any proof for either god exist or don't exist and i'm not brave enough to take that one hell of gamble. Yes, my first motivation for study about religion is to proof they are wrong and make me not scared for the final step even tough in the end i found one of the religion have the solid proof that i can't deny. Well, when i found it i'm not like those people story that imediately living become easy but i feel like i open pandora box where i glad i found the answer but extremely sad and confused because running away is not the option anymore. So good luck and sorry if you find my story is irellevant, i just can't hold myself, not having people to share is a little hard for me.

 

[dementati]

I love how he turns from a cool dude into a super creep at the drop of a hat.

 

[dirtylolotrainer]

Me not trying to indoctrinate my friend in the wonders of my Oshi.

I see a takodaci here, oh hi from a chumbud and hooman here 🖐

 

[CyanHide]

If I ever travel to Japan, I now know I would have missed out on the authentic experience if I don't stumble around confused despite holding a map only to get accosted by a hardcore otaku preaching about his oshii