Kimi ni Aisarete Itakatta

[aomine_daiki]

My balls shrink with every chapter I read

 

[johnny_average]

I’ve never been so enthralled (for lack of a better word) by this authors work. This manga is no different. It’s like watching live coverage of a bloody tragedy or something, you want to stop looking but just can’t. If the tags don’t persuade you otherwise, check it out. Just had an epiphany while writing this, it really reminds me of Emily Youcis‘ Newgrounds cartoon, Alfreds Playhouse.

 

[Seraphus]

Just read from ch1 to 26.
What a massively fucked up ride. I just want to cry.

This reminds me so much of the small town in which I grew up (and escaped) and it's a little TOO real.
This is some serious reality, here.

If you're gonna read this, be ready. Shit is HEAVY

 

[Senpai_Molester_im_a_boy]

I'm so sorry I dropped this manga because I can't anymore I'm not saying this manga is bad I just can't.

 

[elGoblino]

Wonderful manga. I think pretty misunderstood, though. A lot of people seem to think that the characters are shallow, the plot is edgy, and that the MC has no redeeming qualities or that her situation and mental health issues do not acquit her of her actions. I would know, since I'm one of them! I think people make the mistake of making the assumption that because all these things are true the manga itself is objectively "bad", which is where I have to disagree. A story might not follow the usual conventions (yes, even conventions that we define as being marks of quality) and can still be excellent and worth a read.

Let's back up a bit, right to the beginning. The mangaka was once a high school girl. She is also a victim of bullying, a survivor of rape, and suffers from depression, anxiety and other disorders. Am I saying that by criticizing this manga you're therefore being pointlessly mean to a rape survivor? No, that would be ridiculous. But the author does have personal experience with all of the phenomena this manga explores, and I think that's an important point to raise. This is not a pointlessly edgy work dedicated only to fueling the author's misanthropic hate boner, it is a dramatization of the author's personal experience that serves both to illuminate the reader to this part of society they may not otherwise be exposed to, and as a cathartic medium for the author herself.

So first, let's address criticisms people level at the main character, Kaede. Yes, to put it likely, she's a bit of a cunt. She's selfish and a lot of the actions she takes are downright illogical. To this, I would say that humans generally aren't completely logical. We are emotional and moody creatures, who may overreact and do terrible things in the interest of ourselves and our emotions. To this end, I think people are confusing agreeing with her actions with just following her twisted chain of logic. A prime example: Ichikawa's rape. Is having your bully brutally raped a reasonable escalation or punishment? Absolutely not. We should remember here that the author is a survivor of rape herself; Kaede's actions here then serve to show us how truly awful the abuse she suffers at the hands of Ichikawa and her clique makes her feel in a manner that's very powerful and enlightening if you give it the chance. Kaede's treatment of Ichikawa is, in fact, the worst thing that the author can possibly imagine being done to someone. Again, not a reasonable response, but give it the chance and it helps you understand where the author is coming from when imagining how she felt suffering through bullying.

In that same vein, one might also point out that being bullied, having a cold home life and various mental disorders do not excuse what a cold manipulative bitch Kaede quickly becomes. Of course, they'd be right: Even the author is quick to acknowledge this, with her singular interaction with "normal" girls in her class still leaving her unable to apologize to Tomiko due to her own weak willpower when compared with the social pressures exerted by Runa and Riko. The ultimate explanation for her actions is her own weak willpower and unwillingness to seek professional help, and yet her past is still an important explanation, not excuse, for her actions. She has lived a life of neglect, both from classmates and her own family. Lacking the will and support to overcome, she can merely persist in desperately attempting to uphold her social position and cling to any source of positive attention she can find, in the same way that the author must have.

Kaede isn't a likeable person. She will not grow into a well-adjusted adult, and you shouldn't be expecting that after seeing how the story will end in the very first chapter. This is a tragedy where all characters involved are trapped, either by their own unwillingness to seek help, the pressures of their local social groups, or both. In service of illustrating the world the author grew up in, though, I think that's a reasonable deviation from generally accepted conventions: The popular girls are shallow characters because, really, would you expect the people who enforce this sort of social hierarchy to be complicated, deep individuals? Of course not, that would be absurd. There's not much room for depth in people who desperately cling to popularity, their motivations are as shallow in real life as Kaede and her friends are in the manga. The author, being familiar with bullying and the pressures of social life in highschool, undoubtedly knows this and is attempting to illustrate this through her work. Sure, they've got their demons, everyone does; But in the end, they're cunts just because they're cunts, not because these children somehow possess backgrounds so morally complicated that their writers would be liable for an Oscar. In short, this is a brutally honest examination of one person's unfortunate high school experience, and it deviating heavily from normal standards of character depth are acceptable considering that IRL drama doesn't really reflect that. The author even makes use of this dissonance between what we've come to expect of the genre and what actually happens in reality, as the stock clueless yet loveable shoujo romcom protagonist Hiroshi is juxtaposed with the manipulative Kaede in a way that's downright hilarious: The moe-style singular panels which seem completely out of place with the absurdly detailed and disturbing faces the author draws through the rest of her work, and how the standard romcom beats are played through in an almost sinister manner. All of this serves to highlight not the shallowness of the manga, but how shallow and absurd these ideals really are when young people use them as a lens to view society. They are nothing but a thin wallpaper that desperately tries to hide reality to the author.

This manga's strength is its unflinching depiction of the reality of some very unfortunate people. No punches are pulled. Characters are almost pointlessly cruel to satisfy their own egos and desperately maintain their own social positions, just as humans can be emotional and cruel beyond logic in real life. The way the author depicts Kaede's social anxiety and desperate need for positive attention resonated with me deeply, as almost every instance of this in the manga is uncannily similar to my own experiences with these emotions. It is wonderful to know that you aren't alone in your feelings, and to be able to explore them through different forms of media. This is more of a docu-drama in manga form than a traditionally told story. As such, what you get out of it will really depend on what you like in a manga. If you don't want to experience the heavy personal life story of the author (and I really don't blame you) then this manga is not for you. But please, don't write it off just because the non-traditional structure didn't resonate with you. No, its not deep. But life is also pretty shallow.

I could go on about all the little nuances I noticed, from Kaede's skewed worries over Narumi to the ease with which she parts with her prostitution money, but this post is already long enough. This manga is an easy 10/10 for me, but I keep wholesome stuff on deck as a palate cleanser whenever I return for a re-read.

 

[Kurieito]

idc

 

[XNovalX]

@elGoblino

 

[GEORGEM]

.....

 

[GEORGEM]

@elGoblino (reposting because I think my previous comment was deleted)
Wow, thank you so much for the comprehensive review! I think I'll (respectfully) hold off on reading this manga though, the plot and characters sound like they'd be kind of soul-destroying. I mostly read manga for fluff and stress relief so it doesn't sound like my speed. That being said, I greatly appreciate you making such an in-depth review, I feel like you really highlighted some of this manga's strong points!

Question by the way, for anyone who's made it far enough in the plot, how miserable has the plot made you feel? On par with Emergence?

 

[Talarczyk]

This manga started off on a really bad note ('I need fresh knob inside me every night lest I start feeling worthless!') and just kept going downhill from there.
The author's experiences are irrelevant to the quality of of the storytelling, which is nonexistent.

 

[ravas]

So I pop by to see this Manga after a while, I read till ch 6 and just felt disgusted by the story, like it's a good nuanced story but it feels like they're being evil for the sake of being evil, and then justify it via some sob story

 

[Northern_Sky]

Mangaupdates site states this manga is on hiatus in japan (vol 4), can anyone confirm this?

 

[newbladee]

this is just trauma porn man

 

[LoveLyfe]

Some people be hating here how messed up the story is, but hey honestly what did you expect when coming here reading a manga from Bakaudon?
I enjoy it. It is messed up, so what? I still enjoy reading something that goes into detail of messed up relationships and toxic relationships.
The characters seem too plain and you lost interests because the story itself is shallow and boring? I don't think so.
I feel these characters and see them as if they were real human beings. They are flawed and digusting in their own ways, they act and behave like someone would who went through this.
What is disgusting and gross is how real this story feels, you think this shit can't happened to anyone, but I see much more absurd things in real life so how can this be unrealistic.

I like to read train wreck mangas. They make me want to stop reading, but pull me back in because I want to see how the chaos unfolds

 

[Latarus]

mmmm this cover is telling me to nope tf out

 

[FeBriz]

I like that the description is calling it an unhealthy relationship. I haven't read this yet, but I have read many romance manga that seem to believe their relationships are healthy. It being self-aware almost makes me want to read it. But then again, I finally got around to Fire Emblem: Three Houses.

 

[Oumarodime]

Jesus Christ, I have never seen a near 50/50 1/10 and 10/10 ratio, is this series good or bad

 

[Meishellobye]

I got to be honest this is some really fucked up shit

 

[AnAddictedReader]

I'm not sure anyone is morally "right" here, all the actions of each character is so flawed from many perspectives except the character's own, they're all just ... trash ... nothing is redeeming most of these character's actions. They're stuck in a loop where their terrible actions lead them to repeat, such an interesting thing.

Kanae did some terrible things for an MC in a chapter, and what she did is ... rather unforgivable. But from her perspective it is somewhat "justified", that makes it somewhat appealing, as the reader reads from the actor's perspective they see justification for such cruel actions. Truly, the hero in the story is always the one that aligns with the one giving their perspective.

 

[bugcatcher06]

Holy shit that rape part was satisfying.