For the first time in years, actually this is the second time this year, I'm angry, fuming, it's stupid really...
I suppose it's made worse because of everything else going wrong, and... well... life...
I'm usually the kind of person who curls up into a ball, or cries, I don't like being angry. I just feel like doing that has done nothing. But, I've seen what anger does... it's why I don't complain, don't shout, just accept, accept, accept... Which...
Makes me seem a lay about, a good for nothing, or mister.okay who has no emotions.
It's a bizarre in between I suppose... I don't like being angry, but, I see so many be angry... It's weird to say, especially when they're shouting "You all get to let everything out! What about me!?", but i'm a bit jealous and saddened.
I wish I could shout to, without fearing what it'd do. I wish I could just wail sometimes, shout sometimes, say what I mean. But, I hear it too "Everyone sees pain differently; even though their pain usually ain't anything"... It's not a competition... It hurts... it really does... and being told it means nothing, or is nothing, just makes it pile up higher and higher and higher...
Yes, I'm supposed to be feeling good, i wrote 63k words and I loved each word last week... But, it's because it was last week...
I'm back to being... sad... Because I said it out loud "I wrote 63k words", nothing, I mention things about me, nothing...
But, if I say something it's... IDK, it's 1am again and I'm rambling.
I'll just cry again and go to sleep, maybe watch a Markiplier video or two, and pray and try and see the brighter side.
But see? I can't be mad, I just drop down to sad real quick XD! It's almost funny.
If anything, I wish they'd realize how much I've held back just to see them happy, because I love them... It's not because I don't feel anything. I feel many things, but my love for them is so much stronger... I just wish they'd see that...
I wish it wasn't so little they could not notice, but it's my fault anyway...
