I've already mentioned the font and the punctuation issues above so I'll leave them out of this unless they're particularly rough. There's also a faint stiltedness to some of the translation that it's hard to really explain, but I'll see what I can do:
1.1 - Frankly, I'm on board with the sideways 'Woo!' here. I wouldn't use it for main dialogue but this is a hilarious and fitting way to typeset the text for a crowd's cheer.
1.2 - I think these bubbles could be a bit smoother, though I realize it's made harder by not knowing who's talking. assuming it's the announcer I think it would be better to be more wordy here, something like 'It's Decided' -> 'The match is decided! [name] has won the round!'
1.3 - 'abbesence' -> 'absence'. Again I'd use her name rather than 'she' because it's the announcer presumably being grandiose.
2.1 - 'freaken' -> I would be careful about using this and 'wanna' too much out of the blue. I can see that you're trying to use it to communicate an accent, but it usually looks kinda bad in text.
2.4 - 'yummy' -> Similarly, it feels odd to see Haruka, who is generally precocious with her words, use 'yummy' rather than e.g. 'delicious'.
As a side note - I realize that the last few lines are me comparing your chapter to those chapters that have come before, and it would be less obvious or less jarring if this were chapter 1... but unfortunately, that's the expectation that comes with jumping into a series midway.
3.1 - 'Who the heck is this' -> 'What the heck is going on?' or 'Why are so many people over there?' Just doesn't quite match the situation.
4.1 - 'your here with' -> 'you're here with'
4.3 - the redraw here is pretty clunky, but more than that I think this panel highlights the font issue quite well. The thin font kinda disappears into the art in a way a thicker font wouldn't.
5.3 - 'the murder goes after' -> 'the murderer goes after' / 'the victims consists of' -> 'the victims consist of' / 'occurance' -> 'occurence'
5.4 - 'That's why, Haruka you should be careful too' -> 'That's why, Haruka, you should be careful too' or 'That's why you should be careful too, Haruka.'
I'm not sure if you're ESL but I suspect you might be? A lot of the issues I'm spotting are common English grammar errors or specific contextual things like plurals, probably because my language is a dumpster fire. I apologize for English.
6.2 - 'Colin' -> previous scans have used 'Corin', which makes more sense as a female name. 'alot' -> 'a lot'.
6.2cont - 'There was a circumstance / Right now I've been travelling to chase after him' - this is one of those bubbles that could really use some reworking to flow better in English. Something like 'Thanks to various circumstances, I'm currently following his trail'.
6.3 - I'm not really clear on what the final bubble in this panel is. I guess it's Corin/Al talking to East?
6.4 - 'People who suck on the living's blood' -> very clunky possessive. Just go for 'the blood of the living', it's ok to be grandiose again here.
7.1 - 'destroyers' -> hmm. This is maybe meant to be 'demons'? 'Destroyers' seems like an odd choice, especially when you get 'destroyer races' in the next sentence.
8.1/2 - Another pretty clunky sentence. This isn't how you'd really say it in English - it's too harsh on its own and translated too literally, keeping the japanese word order too intact. Compare:
'You know, speaking about vampires... fair-skinned and beautiful, and deep crimson eyes' 'It really matches with him, huh?'
vs
'You know, they say vampires are all fair-skinned and beautiful, with deep crimson eyes' 'The same as his, huh?'
( '... speaking about...' used in the middle of a sentence like this is kind of a giveaway imo)
9.2 - 'this can't be helped' - a traditional translation trap. Looking ahead at the rest of the page, I think it would be better to go 'this is something I have to do' or something along those lines.
9.3 - ditto on the font, it's just getting lost. There's no great way to translate this panel, honestly, even with a thicker font it would be a mess. I would probably just punch some bubbles into the page - it's okay to do this, you don't have to keep the background intact so long as it comes across what's going on. I thought at first the text was the chatter of the townsfolk, but then I realized this is Haruka listing reasons why she should use herself as a lure for the vampire so it's actually important dialogue.
9.5 - Again, clunky wording. I think you're getting hung up on the word 'circumstances' a lot, when it's not something you'd really say all that much in English. For instance, you could soften: 'For East to chase this vampire, I wonder what are the circumstances?' -> 'I wonder what's making East chase this vampire?'
10.2 / 10.4 - More cases where blanking parts of the background to fit in a speech bubble would help a lot. 2 looks like Haruka is thinking to herself, and 4 the text is getting lost in the art again.
10.4 - The clauses need switching around. 'Because it's dangerous, I told you not to go out at night, right?' -> 'I told you not to go out at night when it's dangerous, didn't I?' is more natural a flow.
11.3 - 'It can be used to affect people's minds, mental magic as I call it' -> I don't know what to make of that second clause. Is this a mistranslation maybe? Something like 'It can be used to affect people's minds, like a form of hypnosis' or something like that?
13.2 - 'restrainted' -> 'restrained' / 'hinderance' -> 'hindrance'
14.2 - 'no, and now it's not the time' -> I think the idea here is 'No, and I don't have time to argue.'
14.3 - 'So? What's going to happen if I feel like going home' - I would be curious to see what the raws are here. I don't know if this is East bluffing that he's just going home to rest or if he's telling Haruka to go home or what. A bit confusing.
14.4 - 'your' -> 'you're' / 'restrainting' again
That's most of the things, I think. This is pretty long but please don't take it as trying to dump on you, I wanted to give some feedback on points I spotted and issues that would be good to bear in mind. I think getting a proofreader who can spot things for you is always a good idea - a second person to look over your work does wonders.
In general, I didn't notice anything significantly wrong with the meaning of your translation, so much as the word choices and technical issues, so that's a good start on that front and way better than some attempts I've seen where they simply didn't care. Again, I appreciate you commenting in the thread a lot.
