Confrontation time.
Rio lays out that what Mc feels is not love he doesnt know her.
Mc answers that he doesn't know her but wants to learn more about her. She is calm, kind and brings him a feeling of safety, he is afraid of women, specially grown ups, but she is different and makes him feel normal.
Rio asks her to accompany her shopping next day, he could call it a date.
Chapter 31
They meet up and go shopping, when it is over, she says the real date starts and takes him to a ferris wheel.
They get in and Rio says that the reason she asked him out is to take job related hierarchy out of the picture and met as man and woman, she asks him to kiss her. Mc freezes and wonders why she wants to kiss so suddenly, he recons it is normal for people that like each other to kiss and touch the other. He begins to panic and rio tells him that the face he is making is not the reaction a woman wants to see when she asks for a kiss. She points out that he can't kiss her not because nerveousness or shame, but something else. She acknowledges that she did want a normal conversation with him, when he talked about why he liked her he said he was afraid of older women, there must be a reason as to why.
He fell in love with an "older woman" (her) who treats him like a normal person, he is validated as being "normal" too, but that is not love
Friendship,respect,intimacy, trust, love all those are a form of liking/loving someone but a true relationship is built by looking deeper at the persons life.
Mc says that in his case he respects and trusts her, rio is happy to hear that.
Rio says that looking deeper on those feelings he has for her, he will find the reason to why he couldn't kiss her
Mc thinks that those are true and level headed words from a reasonable adult, but the still pain him because nothing has changed and starts to tear up
Rio panics a little bit, but kaede starts to talk about his assault. He says the school handed it well, he has friends and family to support him he is truly blessed, but for the last three years even with them, he is afraid he feels like is still being held by one leg.
When the case was brought forward, one of his male teachers called him "lucky" and said he was " envious of his experience with such beauty".
Rio interferes to call the abuser and the male teacher a piece of shit.
Kade continues, he is afraid, he is pained, he wonders if he will ever be normal, is that something to be envious of?
He knows both werent decent adults, but he feels trapped, he hates himself for not being able to move on
He apologizes for telling such a "disgusting" story to her, she says its okay, it was something he kept bottled up.
He says that having feelings, even unrequited ones, even short lived ones, were okay. The brought him "normalcy".
Not being afraid, having fun, falling in love, not having a traumatic past that can't be told to a loved one, thats what everyone has, everyone "normal" he means.
He wants that too, he really wants it, but he can't have it.